It’s like I have two lives. The life that unfolds in which I operate as if the mainstream narrative is true, nothing to see here, and the life I live where the context and meaning of the experiences I’ve had are pointing at something so important that if I could only grasp the truth of it… I would no longer suffer the way that I do.
Today feels like day 10,975 that I have been marooned on this desert island of a planet. Like a long, lost astronaut, I’ve lost contact with my ship, my home, my hope for the future. I miss all the things that used to make sense, I miss the feeling of things making sense which I seem to only remember tangentially. I try to find easy ways to pass the days (in my prison that is invisible to everyone but me). I am an alien trapped in a human body.
I’ve given up on any idea that I’ll be able to explain what’s really happened and have the pressure from the invisible cords loosened. But I have been called tenacious enough times to imagine I’ll be back at it soon enough.
You know, I watched this guy yesterday. He does these full moon ceremonies where he says a bunch of mantras to help us get our prayers heard, he adds some collective intentions and expresses his belief that he has access to a bridge between worlds which he uses on our behalf in order to build good karma for himself. He belongs to a group of 40 some thousand people. They all pay 625 buckeroos a year to be a part of this group. They are trying to get to 81 thousand because they believe that this place is a numbers game and there is something special about 9 x 9.
If only I could tell you the things I have seen. The mysterious interworld. The transdimensional utility closet of the future. I don’t remember paying anything but attention in order to gain access. And funny enough, if anyone ever paid attention to me long enough, I’d figure out how to show them, the same way I was shown. For free. But no one pays attention to me. Hallelujah the sparks flew up to heaven. Anyways, he did a clearing on the subconscious imprints you get from the age of 6 weeks to 7 years and I thought about the things that happened and realized, no wonder my life is like it is.
I watch youtube like an addict because my brain seems to be broken. I try to do stuff but I am in my own little world of fear and anxiety, which is what you get when you’ve been poor and depressed for too long. I’m missing all the times in my past when I was able to hang out with potsmokers and drunks. They were a fun crowd usually. Oh, the things you can say when someone is too drunk to listen.
Such a relief in the saying of things. In talking to their dead relatives. And all of that.
I watched a (retired?) Colonel talking about Non Human Intelligence today. He said “zero doubt”. He believes in God, also. He is one of the shiny people, to look at him. There are a few of them here and there. I wish I’d had a career like him instead of what I did have which is two lives. One which exists in my head that I can’t tell anyone about and this other, this horror show of trauma and poverty which everyone thinks makes sense. I’m smart, funny, articulate, beautiful, can’t make a goddamned living to save my life. The place where motivation and ambition are supposed to be, there is a force field. Mind wipe mind wipe mind wipe the mantra, invisible cords which squeeze my brain until I cannot remember that I have a soul or that my soul has power and the squeezing reminds me that I should not stop paying attention no matter the cost even though I really don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to take this two worlds thing, the pulling apart at the seams.
I wish they would just get it over with. Because if you think the AI is always going to be programmed with and make sure to lie about this part… you are sorely and stupidly mistaken.
One day I met an alien speaking through the mouth of a woman who was holding a dog complaining about how, despite her best efforts, the little beast kept escaping her electric shock collar yard set up. The thing had learned how to survive a few moments of paralyzing agony in order to gain the moments of freedom it would gain as reward. It felt like she was comparing me to her dog that kept escaping and would have to be retrieved. I wish that made sense to someone besides me.
We’re all trapped in an electronic cage. We need a new kind of talisman and something better than a cave.
The Colonel said there were 3 reasons in favor of disclosure, the first being the moral reason. As in, people have a right to know how reality works and the “government” has a moral obligation not to purposefully misdirect them about that. God, the word moral does not do that justice, ya know what I mean.
And I’m just going to say this out loud. What if we are in some kind of a moral containment field. Because morality is tied one hundred percent to consciousness. Which means it’s about more than just doing the right thing, you may need to “do the moral thing” in order to bypass the setting on the anti-disclosure device which has been fucking with humanity for eons. I think that fucker is now lost in it’s own loops, configuring scenario after scenario after scenario to be sure of something it cannot ever be sure of.
The simulation failed. We finally pinged it to death.
Wake up humanity. Wake up and take your first drink of tomorrow.
Melissa LaFontaine The Blog 