System lords

I’m just about done reading the third book in a series by Orson Scott Card, this one called GateFather. I had just finished reading his book “Ender’s Game” at about the time I lost my house ten years ago, every one of my belongings, my son’s belongings, the things my mother had stored there. Because …

free will, creation and the higher self

Free will is not about the ability to make “choices”, as in, if you can make a choice you have free will. It is about will (which could be conceived of as a self-aware force) being unencumbered by lies and obfuscation and malfeasance so that will operates as intended. Not usurped. Will is the aspect …

and then there was one

The lie there is a big fat one. And also a whole bunch of little ones Cause humans lie. [am I allowed to say lie?] We lie to ourselves and to each other. But I don’t think I’ve ever before been so constantly bombarded with untruths. Whether they are being directed through advertisements posing as …

blank slate

The fields have left you, alone in the streams, blue dreams and passive heat operatic birdsong from flights that are never fancy full of musical notes, bells and bastions of grandeur feeling brave against the nostalgia of the gambler waves to wash you free from the laughter anyone ever paid your way upturned noses and …

playing chicken with reality

I still have nothing to say. I don't know if I ever will again, have something to say. So here is something I wrote when I was still trying. Maybe last year? Just so the people who wonder if I'm still alive, don't have to. I lost a friend I cared about a lot a …

ode to rejection

I slept in an abandoned garage with a trio of homeless men. Sometimes a quartet. And it was a goddamned mystical experience. I just want you to know, for the goddamned record. That regular people have become nearly impossible for me to deal with. Now. But every once in a while, I’ll go to the …

Trouble

Well. This hurts. A few days ago my guides said something was coming, part of a puzzle piece I was fitting and it was going to hurt. And then days went by and I was getting some insights and I thought, well, I guess they were mistaken. Or… maybe this time I was able to …

men are dumb

Multi dimensional being, you only see what you bring to the fleeing haughty maverick on a ride through the mansion many rooms but the coat’s gone gray flaking paint and a ceiling with rust stains they never know the meaning of the old refrains hold fast to your reign I missed the chance to be …

koo koo

when I have to face the devil I have an adrenaline dump makes me shake to beat the band swirling in the chaos fields of repressed and stifled creative churning and adrenaline dumps come with guilt which isn't guilt its shame cause why would I feel guilty for a normal physical reaction to life threatening …

IDGAF

I started this blog at least partially because of you. For all the times I didn’t get to talk long enough to explain, really explain, the way in which I see the world. You were always too quick, too loud, too sure. We're like twins that way. Fire. And even though I knew inside of …