I’ve been gone for a bit. I had some catastrophes. They weren’t very big catastrophes but because I’ve been on the razor wire edge for so long, it doesn’t take a very strong gust of wind to knock me over. I really tried to take all the catastrophic energy and transorganize it into something useful. … Continue reading Personal Update
When my uncle came back from Vietnam, he had really bad PTSD. He couldn’t drive. He would often take me with him on walks to wherever he had to go to buy stuff. Sometimes these were miles and miles. And I was little. So they’ve really stuck in my soul all these years later. (I’m … Continue reading I miss my dog
Free will is not about the ability to make “choices”, as in, if you can make a choice you have free will. It is about will (which could be conceived of as a self-aware force) being unencumbered by lies and obfuscation and malfeasance so that will operates as intended. Not usurped. Will is the aspect … Continue reading free will, creation and the higher self
I read this somewhere in the last couple of days. Oh yeah, it was Mad in America's year end best article thing. (link here) The quote was "trauma isn't just what happened to you, it's also what didn't". Man that struck a chord. Can I say what I wish for us all? In that same … Continue reading Healing and stuff
Saturday Gratiday Welp, I guess I better start partaking in the weekly gratitude lists. A fellow formerly homeless blogging friend does this, posts them. (Here's a link to his site) I think I’ve finally reached the stage of mortal density where I better start declaring my blessings so I don’t forget, so I can give … Continue reading Weekly Gratitude List
The difference between having a friend and having a blog should be pretty obvious. But when I feel especially lonely, I write. It’s like taking a pill to stave off the anxiety. You’re not solving anything, just making yourself forget for a day. Friends, true friends, are hard to come by. This is not a … Continue reading I need friends irl
when I have to face the devil I have an adrenaline dump makes me shake to beat the band swirling in the chaos fields of repressed and stifled creative churning and adrenaline dumps come with guilt which isn't guilt its shame cause why would I feel guilty for a normal physical reaction to life threatening … Continue reading koo koo
What social media did to me. It took away the last remnant of illusion. I sit with an intractable low grade depression. I have silenced myself even when I know I’m right. I have, by and large, given up on humanity, given up on society. I try to keep these opinions on the down low, … Continue reading A confession
I feel alienated and I don’t feel like writing a poem about it. I suppose I could attempt to write poetically though. Give it a little gusto. I’ve been holding back, trying to be someone else. Same old pattern. I predictably pretend to be socially acceptable while resisting with my whole heart every bit of … Continue reading On feeling alienated
It feels like everything that needs to be said has been said and those who have the ability to hear, have heard and yet remains the work in progress like deep meaningful conversations that change the course of my own outlook My outlook is still resting on a faith that is equally naive and stifled … Continue reading tomorrow world
Melissa LaFontaine The Blog 