New Year’s Stuff and Stuff

There is a Bible verse running through my head today, Matthew 17:17 but for a little bit of context, I’ll give ya 14-20:

14And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying, 15Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water. 16And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him. 17Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me. 18And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour. 19Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? 20And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Interesting choice of reflection on this, the eve of a new calendar year. I learned a lot this year, made huge strides if I’m being honest (and using something other than my bank account as a measuring rod). I’ve been looking back over the past year, pondering the pertinent ponderables…what have I accomplished, where have I succeeded, what needs to be addressed going forward?

I spent a  whole calendar year housed and somewhat stable (…in a shitty, mold infested apartment with several neighbors that like their dope so much I have a panic attack nearly every time I have to walk my dog and a kitchen sink that never drains or fails to remind me how much I still need to work on swearing less, stuck in a less than ideal relationship I can’t leave because I don’t know anyone else who would stay this committed to keeping me alive without trying to change me even if it’s only barely and only because I feed him, in other words, still dealing with shit I am losing the strength to want to keep dealing with but me and little dude are stable) and that’s way better than where we were two years ago when all I had was blind faith.

I was able to homeschool my son despite the enormous and almost soul crushing difficulty of the task (and immense anger I have to suppress on the daily because the local public school system has left me no better viable option). I self-published a book I’m still too chicken and self-doubting to try and convince anyone to buy (but it has been one of my life goals to write a book and I do consider it an accomplishment even if I’m still so surprised that I actually did it, I haven’t completely figured out what to do next). I finally convinced my mom that I’m never gonna get over my drive to heal and help people and will remain the weirdo spiritual anomaly I am, so she agreed to pay for me to take some Reiki training classes and when I’m through with them all in the next couple of months, I can finally back up my natural abilities and inclinations with some much needed, and long awaited, credentialing and networking opportunities. I healed more in this past year than all the others before it. So overall, even if things are still tenuous as fuck, I’m gonna call this year a win for Team Melissa.

Having spent the entirety of my life attempting to understand the why’s of poverty from every angle except for the one where I have abundant resources to address it, has left me often repeating a variation of this scripture verse. I’ve seen a lot of really shitty things in life, and many, many times had nothing more than that small grain of hope from which to pull a miracle out of my ass. It isn’t such an easy thing to maintain faith in goodness and my own ability to command and change my reality with nothing but stubborn and unwavering belief. How many times must the abc’s be repeated to people who are stringing together full sentences? This one is a double-edged sword though, cause I do know how many times I have thrown that poverty mountain into the sea only to see it rise again. Just when I think I have a little peace on the issue and finally put that mountain so far into the abyss that I’ll never be bothered again, something sets me off, the wound comes ripped open and a mess of blood and draining yuck must be cleansed, sutured and set with covering to heal again so the entirety of my spirit does not become infected. Sorry Jesus, this one still seems fucking impossible more days than I’d like to admit so you’re just gonna have to suffer me a little longer. Thank God you look good in a pair of Levi’s 🙂

Someone asked me one of my triggering questions, “do you work?” not that long ago. I’ve been avoiding him since and the guilt of that avoidance is starting to gnaw at me. I’ll have to figure out a good New Year’s resolution for handling emotionally triggering shit with a little more grace than running away and hiding. Nothing makes me want to extract myself from “the human race” quicker than that question but there is no way he could have known that. The memories of being homeless, having absolutely nothing but the clothes on my back and being that close to death in front of people who were throwing away things that would keep me alive with one hand while pointing their finger at me as the one in the wrong, (BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A J-O-B) with the other, it still hurts very deeply. It is the mindset that has hurt my soul my whole life really.

Like the pretty girl with big boobs that wants to be seen as more than a sex object, I’d like to be seen as more than a tool to feed the money machine. It’s a hard one to get over because it should be glaringly -without a doubt- obvious that there is more to human life than how much money can be extracted from it. That question, a version of which I have heard so many times from people who cannot see the spiritual realms, who do not understand and refuse to accept what some of us have been put here to do and help with, frustrates me because there is no easy or quick answer that I have ever found to give. So yea, though the understanding is coming in slow waves to the consciousness of the masses, that question in particular still remains more frustrating than ignorable and high on my list of things to improve on in 2018.

While trying to manage keeping myself a tiny bit human when homeless, if I’d had a dollar for every time I heard “get a job”, “why should I pay for your mistakes”, “lazy piece of shit, get a life” “go away”, “you can’t be here”, I wouldn’t have been homeless very long. The list of similar such statements goes on and on and so few ever gave me the chance to explain. I swear half the reason I found the strength to go on was just so I could get access to a place with a computer, the internet, electricity, warmth and running water so I could collect myself and write a thoughtful response on behalf of every one of us who have been on the receiving end of those accusations.

So this question, “do you work” it leaves me struggling, it leaves me grasping to compile a list of reasons why I’m worthy of staying alive anyways and desperately reaching for my medical records to give a 3D-centric acceptable list of reasons for not working while simultaneously resisting the urge to get self-righteous, angry and judgmental in return… “what gives you the right to question my life” “walk a mile in my shoes” I know damn well where that leads (a slap in the face by karma herself cause self-righteous infused judgment is big on the list of no-no’s when you’re operating outside the norm, spiritually speaking) and I also know that if I simply lied and said yep, I work at McDonald’s, they wouldn’t think twice about the fact that someone who has saved as many lives as I have, has only now been deemed worthy of life by them because she works for a place that literally kills people.

It’s one of those things that’ll stick in the craw of a critical thinker, try to resist the urge to put that on people because we are quickly heading into an era where work will need to be redefined for all of us, that is what the advent of our technological advances and tools is ushering in whether you like it, are prepared for it, or not. One of the jobs I am here to do that is not currently earning me a taxable paycheck, is getting people prepared for this and able to grow from the evolutionary opportunity a “new tool” inevitably presents.

What is the nature of “work”? Let’s come up with some better questions in 2018 that gives a broader perspective on the nature of being a good citizen and conducting a worthwhile life that goes beyond collecting a paycheck. Maybe we can start asking, how mindful of others have you been? How many doors did you hold open, how many elderly people living in isolation did you share a meal with, how many children did you make smile, how much litter did you pick up, how many healthy choices did you make, what did you learn… how about a simple how are you, what’s your favorite color and commit ourselves to actually pausing to listen to the whole answer?

We have been born into a system of rules surrounding resource distribution and there are many positives to this system, but there are also a great many negatives. Trying to find that useful line of ethics and morality where the system can be updated has proven ridiculously complicated. Many blame this on greed. “The rich are greedy” the battle cry goes. But I’ve seen plenty a poor person and even more upper middle class react in the exact same way that we have (perhaps erroneously) defined as greed. So…is greed really the “word” we should be putting our collective attention to addressing?

Heading into this next year, a Master year no less, I do believe a more appropriate and less judgmental stance to take regarding this issue is territorial behavior, the animal instinct that despite enormous brains and even more enormous spirits, capable of pondering a shit ton more than how to preserve 2000 square feet and secure a socially acceptable occupation and appearance, is nonetheless, ever focused on just and only that. If we could think, observe, rationalize beyond this, a simple adjustment could be made to our bottom line and it would take a lot of pressure off. But in order for that to happen, you’re going to need to stop thinking of your neighbor as the enemy, as competition and judging whether or not they are more or less worthy of living or reproducing (or ascending for you spiritually minded egotists) than you.

Right now, the bottom line in this “first world” nation, the bar defining who lives, prospers, grows or doesn’t, reeks of territorial behavior, and it doesn’t actually make sense. It’s like having a giant sink hole in the middle of our country that everyone just keeps driving around and calling anyone who would seek to address it crazy. It’s hard to accept that we still do this. We’ve gotten territorial about our dysfunction! This, to me, suggests manipulation on a level most will miss. The thing we have not been able to get around, as of yet, is that we are still defining worthiness based on occupation and access to resources (or power), and both, as currently defined, are the product of a seriously restricted and horrific classification system that did not account for the human being as inherently Divine. A classification system that has tried to define and limit the soul as a product or result of some externally contrived Divinity measurement, something to be earned based on impossibly obscure parameters of “unless” or “if” instead of nurtured and grown into from the same little mustard seed we all come to planet earth with.

Territorial behavior has some obvious biological advantages, but it also comes with some problems that for the most part, we are creating needlessly because we haven’t stopped the behaviors or addressed our addiction to the chemical responses these behaviors produce long enough to do anything else but find more reasons to keep on doing it! There is a tremendous amount of energy spent “defending” and “hoarding” that could be spent in other ways, like cooperation, building, inspiration, learning, exploring, celebrating. So, do we lack faith and trust or… do we lack the understanding and information necessary to upgrade (evolve) out of this predicament? If your consciousness does not expand beyond this territorial behavior, you are using about 1/10th of 1% of what you are capable of. I hope you hear me and hear me well.

Let me attempt to put this into perspective. We have yet to understand the complexity of who and what we are, literally, and so we have allowed ourselves to become a product of our environment, a created environment (which some of us have fought against tooth and nail and our lives don’t always look so pretty because of it). Rather than operate as Beings capable of interacting on at least 7 dimensions out of the box and 15 with a little work, the vast majority are operating as unconscious dolts basing huge ethical decisions off rudimentary animal instincts. The question is why, and it’s a loaded one. Consider this your 2018 Master year cheat code.

In this year ahead, many opportunities will present themselves, I pray you and I realize we are fully equipped and more than worthy of them all. I’ll leave you to that and wish you a very Happy and abundant New Year.


A Note on Narcissism

A note on narcissism from the Angelic Realms

Mankind has been given the gift of self-reflection and awareness. This gift does not preclude nor is it allowed to circumvent all other gifts and attributes of the totality of the All.

Governance over one attribute, “the created self”, as seen individuated from the multitude, does not assume governance over any other “created self”, known or unknown. The All remains whether perceived and transformed as an individual embodied representation (understood through the faculties of the mind) or not.

Where you become confused in your individually perceived state as a “particular event” of time and space, does not and cannot negate all others. Those who wish, those on the path of KNOWING communion with the All, shall not be imprinted by those who seek to alter the Sovereign status of such and be made into, altered or limited to the box of another’s created state based on their desire for reflection in order to perceive as if through a mirror, their own individual state of insanity in which the All does not exist or the All is limited in definition because you have decided you want it to be that way.

In simpler terms, if someone believes in God, is on the path of harmony with the All as it were, and you attempt to alter another’s growing perception of the All (the growth of consciousness which enhances and enables one to be in harmony with all that is revealed and made accessible so that the Sovereign Being grows in ability, capable of directing, navigating or creating a life path that is in purposeful connection and peaceful relations of), your attempt to limit that Being into a mere reflection and mirror, to invalidate their experience for the sake of your own self-serving desire to substantiate your individuated and separated consciousness, is (in essence and intent) to seek to enslave and imprison them to what you have just proven through your own action and intent as illusory (if you are separate and perfectly so, why would you seek to use another or imprint and override their truth for yours to prove that your self-evident truth is universal truth?). This is where karma may intercede. Those who seek to make captive will themselves become captive. As it is written, so shall it be.

Narcissism is a beast of a burden. Resist the temptation to experience an “other” as less than, knowing -fully- through the obvious and extensive examples found in the natural world that we are part of something larger than one individuated view or opinion in time and space could possible perceive or conceive of. New species are still being “discovered” on THIS planet- new species that are observable to the limited human eye and mind!!! How can you call it anything other than narcissism to think that you know enough to make declarations about all that is unseen to the point you would take it upon yourself to tell another that what they are perceiving as guidance from THEIR inner Kingdom cannot be, because you yourself have not also perceived it? Take note of this while also digesting the fact that as each blade of grass is given it’s measure to grow and hold its’ place – sublimely – in the circle of life, it is neither more or less valued than the ants that crawl upon it for a better view or the birds who will use it’s decay to build a nest, a home for new life to grow.

If you gaze into the subconscious of another (or even your own) with the solitary quest to reap the reward of viewing yourself, you will miss the depths that exist under that surface reflection. These depths, which hold the Divine Countenance for humanity’s sake, could allow you to experience a more robust and expanding revelation of Life’s true abundance.  Engage instead, with Love, awe and wonder which are the seeds of joy.

This is an important consideration in an age where so many walk around with an electronic mirror in their pocket. Like any mirror, it can be useful in adjusting ourselves to a more pleasant image with which to engage others or cage us in self obsession making engaging and agreement stifled at best.



It’s been awhile.

Haven’t felt much like writing in this space for some time. An opportunity presented itself for me to heal more fully from some deeply rooted trauma and I took it and that taking required some silent reflection. Three relative strangers gave me gifts, two of them without having ever laid eyes on me and it threw me for a loop. There’s a lot of noise out there and I wanted to make sure I was answering -only to my Self- why a gift brought so much dis-ease to the surface.

My earth walk has had a few recurring themes, but they all orbit the same concept in the end: worthiness. In examining worthiness, I have found that the known history of our civilization and even moreso, the why’s and how’s of the cycle of “life and death” come a bit closer for the application of reason. Viewing this from a first-person perspective has been challenging but also priceless.

Poverty has been one of my main drawing points to this end. Am I worthy if in poverty? Am I worthy if in poverty but with intellectual and spiritual gifts? Am I worthy if in poverty but chosen by God to use those gifts? Am I worthy if I’m physically attractive? Must I be young, must I be old, must I be male, female, an alien, an angel …and on and on and on until I finally came to the point where I had to ask… worthy of what? What is it Dear Self that you want to be considered worthy of? Fame? Fortune? Glory? Wisdom? Love? What?

My answer is LIFE, I wish to be worthy of life. This sacred, grand explosion of awesomeness that not even 10 thousand years of recorded observations can do justice to. I sit and stare at the majesty of this story playing out before my eyes and soul and question how it could be possible that I deserve to bear witness? A little late to be asking that one. I realize this now. I realize too, how often that button gets pushed in all of us, cycling us through the self-doubt, triggering the “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s” again and again and again.

Whether deserved or not, here I am, breathing the air and drinking the water. Yet, isn’t this the question we all play out, answering in one form or another. Why me? Why am I alive? Does it even matter that I am? No doubt about it, we all seek some measure of validation that we are not only alive but earned a right to it. We know it’s precious, we just don’t know why. For me, the conquering of this question will come in the form of joy, pure, unbridled, spontaneous, unadulterated joy falling like manna from heaven, the best evidence of Grace I can fathom.

Perhaps younger me was smarter than I give her credit for and all the doubts and shame can finally and utterly be put to rest. Younger me examined all the things that could stand in the way of a full experience of joy. The lingering doubts of worthiness. The need to define. The question “what does it mean to experience joy while others are literally starving or being brutalized in some form or fashion”. What does it mean and how dare I … so I didn’t dare, but I did set to work finding out about suffering and what the ethical considerations of experiencing joy while others are oppressed, depressed or suppressed to the point where the word joy is no longer relevant …really entails. And holy shit, the skimming of such has not been pretty. I can tell you that.

To oppress means to keep (someone) down by unjust force or authority. To repress is (1) to hold back, or (2) to put down by force. Suppress, which is broader and more common than the other two, means (1) to put an end to, (2) to inhibit, and (3) to keep from being revealed.

Oh! How these have played their discordant strings through all our lives, so blatantly  here in the “modern” Western world. We have not so much relished the conquering of life’s daily and sometimes mundane challenges but rather, (perhaps finding it too obscure a conquest?) set about “subsuming” and “shoulding” all over each other. We’re up to our necks in it. Wallowing in it even. And the work remains.

So, long story short, my quest has been worth it. I have found a midline to work with and a pretty broad landscape from which to pull and pour my Spirit into. If I would withhold joy from myself, I am no better than the beasts who play men and traumatize for kicks. But, if I do not contribute to the increase of joyful opportunities for others, if my joy is not also found in relieving the suffering (even momentarily) of those who cross my path in good faith, I am no better than the beasts who play woman for the sake of fleeting advantage.

I accept that I take smaller sips from the nectar, because I am strong like that and relish that strength to the point I experience it as a prolonged fruition (a “particular flavor”) of joy.  Just enough to keep me alert and refreshed for the battle (that yet continues) to end the clearly ignorant message that convinces a Divine Creator Being there is no other choice but to take personal advantage wherever possible and glorify or demonize the suffering and pain of their fellow citizens just because that is the way it’s always been done.

We are each other’s shields and strength and inspiration just as much as our own. It is up to us to decide to keep each other well and utilize our gifts and will to fill in the gaps where needed. When my body gives up independence or if my mind takes leave… will I find anyone out there capable of seeing the soul beneath straining to squeeze yet one more lesson from life? Will they be merciful and kind?

Pondering ethics and morality remains one of the few free pastimes we have that doesn’t involve plugging into a machine. We are in a time, a crossroads for our species, where this task simply cannot be undervalued. Think, without using the same tired narratives. Join the conversation. Heal yourself so you can come back to us and tell the story and wisdom your unique perspective provides. Where can we go from here and do we have the heart to stop defining each other’s missteps in order to get there together and with PEACE the reward and beacon of our triumph?


Facebook Psychics & Stuff

I’ve been noticing a lot of tarot reading and spiritual or “ascension” guidance being promoted on Facebook lately. Youtube also has them crawling out of the woodwork, almost as if everyone is intuitive now (ahem, that’s the point of evolution right?) I like to share little nuggets of wisdom I come across, so it makes sense that the algorithms would send these sorts of things my way but it is really starting to be obnoxious. And what I see coming out of certain portions of the “ascension” community are down right exclusionary, pay to play kind of bullshit I thought an ascending being would rise above. (Guess they want another ride on the merry go round.) The promoting is done in poor taste, often includes straight up obvious things they imply they have unique access to or are the first to discover and without any review or credentialing, they’ve set up shop, cultural misappropriations be damned and started charging.

As someone who SEES souls and LIVES in many dimensions, let me tell you that a few of them ought not to be doing what they are doing. It almost seems as if the vultures have come to feast on our stunted spiritual maturity or confuse the visions of those who have been too long without sight beyond the veil. I just want to make sure everyone is aware of the differences because so many multi-dimensional beings are here to help and some of their voices and messages are being drowned out or syphoned. Fucking capitalism.

To understand what a “psychic” or “medium” is accessing, an investigation into quantum (multi-dimensional) entanglement would be wise. I hope that anyone who pays for the advice of someone other than a true sage, master, or enlightened angelic takes it with a tablespoon of salt. Being able to perceive moments or potentials for quantum events is a learned skill, but operates like any other sense. The psychic may be able to perceive these things, but if sufficient work on the soul has not occurred, you should not allow them to infer the connections between those quantum points or describe to you a story of how they fit together in your life and timeline, which should at all times be a product of your own free will creation (within reason).

One who has studied the wisdom teachings rigorously, been tested and advised by Beings more Ancient than our Sun, is a far better guide for advice regarding anything beyond the auric field. These tests ensure that their consciousness will have been far more expanded, thus providing greater sight, thus providing far greater points of potential quantum activity related to your frequency which allows for a much more sophisticated understanding of the choices you, as the sojourner, could take for the development of your own soul and consciousness.

What those psychics who are charging 10-300 dollars to show you, a well-written algorithm could just as easily predict (in other words, matrix-level shit) and 9 times out of 10, they will only be reflecting back to you what you are choosing to not consciously acknowledge. If any advice is given, it will be given through their perspective, their filter which includes all of their soul lessons, biases and beliefs. I promise you, very few of these beings have reached conscious enlightenment and far more than are aware of it, are communicating with entities that do not have YOUR best interest in mind.

Are there exceptions? Yes, of course. I am certainly not saying there is anything wrong with getting a psychic reading as long as you maintain your own discernment regarding whatever is being relayed. But it always brings me to ask the question, why do you feel compelled to pay for someone’s opinion when everyone and their grandma has one and loves to give it? Does it seem more valuable because they are charging for it? Take some free advice, you don’t have to pay to speed up your ascension, spiritual awakening or find your true love, you just need to ask and be still enough within to hear the answer.

I find that what most people want is validation. We want to know that we are unique, noticed and special and that desire does not end with physical affirmation. Trying to examine our own consciousness can get a little bit like the cat chasing the tail and in those times, feedback can go a long way (especially if these are things we don’t want to talk to friends or family about because chances are, we’ve already asked and decided we didn’t like their answer).

It’s a short-cut, in short, and that’s probably why there is so much controversy and strong opinions about it. Let me make a few more notes on some other points to consider. Significant characteristics about a loved one can be accessed directly from the energy matrix of the one being “read”, many significant memories are stored in the subtle astral bodies. Anyone with their third eye open can access this, technically. Flipping over tarot cards is often closer to creating a portal and inducing a quantum event than any other form of reading and you should be most wary of your choice of reader when it comes to this form of psychic transference. If they are a strong and thoroughly tested, intelligent and old soul, they are more than likely able to act as gatekeeper successfully without allowing transient entities to cross. Remote viewing, hypnosis and telepathy are other techniques that may be used and you’ll want to make sure both you and your reader are aware of the differences.

To reduce your risk of a bad reading, buyer’s remorse, or worse an expensive placebo effect that has you feeding the psychic’s ego and creating karmic attachments, you’ll want to ask a couple pointed questions (if you are not already very familiar with the “reader”). Have they had any experience of significance with psychedelics or plant teachers? Have they overcome any significant traumas or challenges in their life? You may also want to ask what their opinion is on something that you already hold a pretty strong opinion about. A consciously aware and genuine healer and helper is going to answer these questions with an authenticity that should be apparent. Look for authenticity, not any particular answer. These things will also serve to establish a few access points for them to tell you what you are expressing in your energy fields.

I would be remiss if I did not also say, when you understand your own wholeness, you will find no need for this sort of reflection. You will be centered in that nice little zero density cave o’ bliss within you, not hanging out in those tangential fields. No one can provide that for you, and usually if you are seeking spiritual advice, that is the thing you are really looking for, the proof of your own divinity, a neutral, unadulterated disposition. A guide may help support you and offer advice, but you still need to do the work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is being deceptive.

Maybe you’re just looking for some unbiased insight about your latest crush or feel like shaking your psyche up a bit, a psychic interaction could help with that. However, remember that during this time of transition (and potentially for a long, long time after this transition), anything related to future events is phenomenal, changing, transient and you can end up creating something you don’t really want because you took too close to heart, the words of someone who does not have to walk a mile in your shoes.

With that said, let me also say this, the Universe will provide direction if you seek it, by way of synchronicity, guides, and angels in human form. You should get in the habit of bringing gifts to the unadvertised shaman and elders in your life, deliver a hot meal and conversation to a homeless angel. More often than not, you will be getting wisdom that is priceless and because they know this, they would never charge you for it. They have likely forged their wisdom through trials and tribulations you should consider yourself blessed to avoid. For that blessing, thank the Universe by acknowledging them with a gift. It feels a lot better than a business transaction in my humble opinion and actively clears karma, pretty painlessly.




The Bride Allegorical, not rhetorical.

There once was a young woman, soon to have a child. She was visited by the old wise hag that lived nearby and given advice on how to raise the beloved daughter she would have. As the years went by and the woman followed all the advice she had been given, her daughter grew into a woman who moved with an assurance of regal, yet always graceful proportions. She was a strange combination of everything not useful but of the highest quality, like the finest walking, talking, piece of art so sublime your heart becomes useless in it’s presence.

When it came time for the daughter to marry, her mother grew anxious, unsure, senile almost in her confusion over how to accomplish the very specific task the wise old hag had given her. Each night she would lay awake pondering and begging for a better option. She had been warned by the knowledge keeper, that her daughter’s choice of husband would be a thorny one and many would be aghast that something so fine, would become coupled with one so controversial. Aye, but the old one has been so, so right about everything else, I cannot falter now, she chided herself relentlessly, seeking escape from the task before her.

She was out in the garden pulling weeds when she heard her daughter weeping. She went to her with more confidence than she had anticipated and in fact, in the walking, the exactly right words, came to her. The daughter told her the news that she had not received any confirmations from the guests invited to her wedding. It seemed they could not see past the confusing nature of her choice and unable to block out the gossip any longer, she fell as a puddle of desperation and misery into her mother’s arms.

Her mother revealed what the old hag had said. She repeated every last note. The daughter reacted with a strong desire to run, to implode, to escape by any means, but she remained, for loyalty was a prize far better than any other. “Do you think it will work, mother?” she asked. Her mother looked at her with the Universe reflecting in her eyes and said, “yes, my Dear One, it will work, but with this comes the knowing, there is no other way.” Though fear bit her heart, the love for her groom soothed it. And she nodded yes, her fate playing gentle tunes across the contours of her mind, images dancing in the distance, just out of her mind’s current reach. The knowing would come closer and she would remain.

On the day of the wedding, the mother enlisted her closest friends, the confidants she had always relied on. Together, they fanned out far and wide and convinced 500 guests to come celebrate the bride to be and her groom in honor. They came from all around and filled the seats with excited cheer, waiting with anticipation and some even helping to add a few spectacular finishing touches to make the wedding hall and reception even more befitting the special occasion.

Soon the groom was standing at the alter, tears streaming down from his eyes, trembling from the outpouring of love. The music began, the people sang and laughed and celebrated with actual joy, some for the first time in so long and for no other reason than they were asked to, encouraged to. They were all told that the man was the most powerful Being to ever walk the earth and there was no telling what blessings he would bestow on those who showed honor to his bride and his consecrated union to her. Seeing his moving and deep appreciation, the crowd became even more ecstatic. Guards, chosen from amongst the guests had been set at all the entrances to avoid permitting even one antagonist entry.

The music softened and the blessings began, guests rising again from their seats, one by one, calling out blessings to the couple, each blessing becoming more and more profound and divine as they went, adding and topping each other as best they could. All of this, with only the groom at the alter. And soon the groom became grieved, pained at the absence of his beloved, he became angry at the crowd of guests for shouting blessings without her here to witness them, how callous, he thought, how confusing, when it is usually the bride that is honored.

And the mother sat silently. Knowing, but not wanting to know. And soon, the groom left his post at the alter and demanded to know where his bride was. He begged the mother to find her.

The friends were enlisted once again to search the building’s every nook and cranny for the missing bride. The guests continued carrying on but with muffled whispers and murmurs where joy and excitement had once been. They spoke loudly against one another now hoping to steer the groom’s resentment away from themselves. The mother met his eyes from across the expanse and made her way to the exit. At the foot of the building sat her majestic daughter, covered in dirt, broken finger nails and hair amiss, the dew she had freshened her pleasant face with had long been washed away by salty tears that reeked of anger, bitterness, disgust, and broken heart. Defeated, she met her mothers steps without feeling.

“They wouldn’t let me in.”

“Aye, now you know.”

The bride met her mother’s eyes and reached out her hand. “That I do.”

The groom, unable to hold back any longer, burst through the doors with a flock of enamored guests following steps behind him. The scent of cedar and oak had long been overpowered by the scent of fear and sweat, his loving eyes now those of a madman.

And still the people thronged around him, in between him and that hope for relief, balm, water in a woman’s form gazing at him now from the depths of a heart stronger than any mountain and he threw the people off and ran to her. She held him to her bosom, and turned her eyes upon the crowd, they were silenced, and bowed their heads to take two steps back, and then three until they felt a little relief of their own from that reflection of their own mistake.

And the couple wed.

And the blessings made the knowing a little easier.

The end.






50 Shades of Propaganda

I had the misfortune of witnessing the hypnosis of seemingly intelligent people in response to some emotionally cued propaganda. I was frankly aghast at what they were missing, which was glaringly obvious to me. Those little half-truths that make you go “yea, that makes sense” seem pretty innocuous until they have the majority of our population questioning our academic and scientific communities in favor of the ideas presented for mass consumption by anecdotal and emotionally cued messages such as this. So I am writing in response to that, in hopes that it will help to make it clear for anyone who cares to avoid a side step into racist hegemony and stem the tide of the growing popularity of discrediting academic and scientific research in order to sway public opinion.

I guess I should first back up and make sure everyone understands how propaganda works because apparently the lessons of WWII have been lost on a few people. Propaganda is “information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote a political cause or point of view”. This particular piece of propaganda is coming out of the Breitbart camp’s prized antagonist Milo Y whose name encourages the same reaction in me as saying Lord Voldemort did for Harry Potter. There has been notable controversy over Breitbart (where Milo Y was able to earn himself that little blue check) as it seems to stand on nothing more than a platform meant to inflame racial tensions and provide safe-haven for people to expose their bias and fear of minorities, (no, not just minorities, everyone who is not a white male to be more precise) in a cozy group setting with other like-minded white supremacist apologists. (NPR: Ex-Breitbart Executive Steve Bannon Brings Alt-right ties to the White House).

Normalizing racism and hate speech is equivalent to normalizing flat earth and every bit a psyop if you ask me. Sorry, not going to go along with the “racism is normal” or “racism is over” thing even if a black woman says it’s ok and believes I’m racist if I disagree and do not want public figures to spread misinformation to desperate people.

With a critical eye, we can see that what the Bannon/Breitbart camp points to is fairly enlightening from a purely theoretical standpoint. From a political standpoint, what they are doing is dangerous and feeds on the ill-informed and uneducated bias of its readers, using controversy to garner sales and the currency of the age: the will of the masses. They bring up the issue of hate speech and rightly point out that this is not a legal term. But it is a tool that has been employed many times, a mode of warfare that most certainly could bring an angry populace out of the woodwork and accomplish Mr. Bannon’s self-proclaimed mission of destroying everything.

In their attempt to normalize racism as wholly acceptable, they are setting us up in a dangerous game. I have learned through my years studying and observing American culture that wherever you see the smoke of racism, there is a flame rooted in classism not far behind. Our economy has not rebounded following the housing crash of 2008 for the lower and middle class and the decisions we make now as a country should strive to promote prosperity of the nation as a whole, not a certain segment of it because that segment is seen as the best and brightest based on the color of their skin. How very fucking distracting when the majority of intelligent people know damn well it’s actually because of their economic advantage. (You need to spend money to make money – that’s capitalism in a nutshell, which makes it pretty hard to compete when some people start out with a million and the right side of racially motivated propaganda and some people start out with less than zero and we make no efforts to control for multi-generational poverty).

Tell me how a country as multi-cultural and diverse as ours is supposed to come to intelligent and fruitful agreements and address economic inequalities when there is an ideological standpoint of one race being superior to others in the mix and contrary to any rational or scientific evidence? Especially when this ideology is being promoted from the highest visible office in the land? This is the same classic argument that was used in support of slavery and the genocide of indigenous people, “they are genetically flawed, lazy, heathen, uncivilized and we are not responsible for their inability to assimilate into our “superior culture” and achieve economic success”. They like to hold up poster children who were able to achieve wealth and popularity as the proof that the dominant culture’s ways (colonization) works best. This isn’t just a racial issue, it is an economic one that points to something even more dastardly, the call to quell dissent and encourage public reproach of anyone who does not agree with the status quo and normative middle-class American values.

So, why is this video propaganda instead of just a fellow human speaking her mind? Because it is being propped up on Milo’s little social media pedestal, cherry-picked with boxed quotes that reinforce the subliminal messaging and most of what she said is not only inaccurate, it reinforces stereotypes I thought most of us were smart enough to see through. It would be awesome if we could require a little credibility on the content that public figures can push. When you are branding yourself and commodifying your platform, I’m not certain freedom of speech should be the defense we embrace. Maybe that is the discussion we should be having. Just one woman’s opinion, you want to live in a cess pool where it’s totally fine for grown men to demoralize other grown men and fund someone who attempted to normalize pedophilia without caring enough to tell them they’re being shitty humans, whatevs.  For the moment, let’s focus on why propaganda is dangerous.

“Democracy is good, but it is not good for an uneducated dogmatic society. Often, that society does not know how to choose wisely” (Debasish Mridha).

“The price of apathy towards public affairs is to be ruled by evil men” (Plato).

“It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences” (Aristotle).

It is also important to point out that where we have disagreements politically, the more division that can be mustered, the easier it is for people to accept the authority of a supposed savior to the mix as they become exhausted from the inability to come to rational agreements (because your emotions are being fucked with, need I add?).  If you are feeling exhausted by the rhetoric, may I suggest cutting back on processed foods, the television and fluoride, and adding time in nature, laughter, and meditation in its place.

So, let’s look at this piece of propaganda a little more closely. Far too many people missed the many gross inaccuracies so I have provided an example of the research that contradicts the bias and misleading information presented. Propaganda works best if the outright lies are coupled with some truth so when people like me point out these lies, people who only focused on the half-truths that reinforced their stereotypes will question me rather than the content. The strings of cognitive dissonance being played at it’s finest.

And because I know this is very important to some people, let me address my political leanings, (if this has not been made clear by every single post I have written). I am neither Republican nor Democrat, not a deplorable nor a libtard, I am a sovereign and critical thinking neutral party who despises bureaucracy. What’s the name of the party that defends that? They don’t exist until we get rid of the propaganda arm of our national discourse so that people can actually utilize the facts in front of them and come to reasonable and rational agreements based on them (leaving room for new information as it becomes apparent). “Science literacy is a vaccine against the charlatans of the world that would exploit your ignorance” (Neil deGrasse Tyson). Feel better now? Cool, let’s forge ahead then to dismantling that infected arm of our shared reality, shall we?

Propaganda works by appealing to your emotional state rather than facts. It is, effectively, a means to bias you against facts that would have you question decisions from political leadership that are contrary to them. I am not going to pull out every piece of evidence available here, just enough to get you to see where to look and how to look at propaganda in the future. Hopefully, together, we can silence the misinformation or slow it’s spread and educate others in how to think rather than what to think.

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NOPE ~ White privilege (or white skin privilege) is a term for societal privileges that benefit people identified as white in Western countries, beyond what is commonly experienced by non-white people under the same social, political, or economic circumstances. If it was defined as she suggests, she might have had a point. Unfortunately: propaganda (aimed at distorting academic research on racism).

The first piece of anecdotal evidence she presents as an argument for why white privilege doesn’t exist is law enforcement interactions. This is a hot button emotional issue with several triggering cues. She points out that whites are also harassed and she “being a black woman in Texas” has never felt harassed. During a time when we are seeing many examples of police misconduct and a demand from citizens to address the issue, suggestions that there really isn’t a problem here is going to swiftly undo the public pressure on these institutions to provide reasonable standards of equality and accountability from the enforcement arm of the government.

“As the authors wrote: “In nearly every one of the 100 departments we consider, we find that black and Hispanic drivers are subjected to a lower search threshold than whites, suggestive of widespread discrimination against these groups.”

Specifically, the study found that police decided to search black drivers based on a 7 percent certainty that they might be hiding something illegal. If an African American driver looks nervous, for example, police might interpret the nervousness as a sign of possible guilt and insist on a search.

For Hispanics, the search threshold was 6 percent certainty. But police in these 100 North Carolina cities wanted a 15 percent certainty before searching the vehicles of white drivers. The threshold for searching Asians was about the same as for whites.” (link to Stanford study this was taken from)

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Pretty classic logical fallacy being used here. This is an attempt to employ anecdotal evidence to make sweeping generalizations that should not be extrapolated or used to negate the countless anecdotal reports of Black Americans who have expressed fear of police brutality or harassment. For the record, as a person who has experienced police harassment, let me point out that I still feel safest (experience fewer symptoms of the PTSD I have as a result of that harassment) from the gang in blue while riding in the car with an older white woman.  Yes, police harassment can happen to anyone and yes some people may never be exposed to it, but that it happens at all should still concern us all.

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graph showing Incarceration rates in Texas

(source here)

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This is treading on same dangerous territory that should not be taken lightly or read without an understanding of the historical bias and socio-economic context Black Americans have been living with. This is a tactic pulled straight out of the 90s when the primary source of information White Americans received about Black Americans was coming out of Hollywood and main stream media. It was employed then because our society was beginning to integrate and in order to keep the mental and emotional segregation up where physical segregation was down, a series of “black man as violent” imagery was fed to a hypnotized populace. We are just now healing from this mindfuck which makes propaganda like this very important to stay critical of. That little bit of fear and discomfort you feel when you see a group of black men walking? That is the result of thousands of hours of subliminal messaging directly affecting your hard wired response system. In other words, brainwashing.

Keep this in mind for the next few frames we examine:

“Stereotypes are “cognitive structures that contain the perceiver’s knowledge, beliefs, and expectations about human groups” (Peffley et al., 1997, p. 31). These cognitive constructs are often created out of a kernel of truth and then distorted beyond reality (Hoffmann, 1986). Racial stereotypes are constructed beliefs that all members of the same race share given characteristics. These attributed characteristics are usually negative (Jewell, 1993).” (please review the whole source here and educate yourself -if you have not already- on the effects of stereotyping and confirmation bias, there is literally tens of thousands of scholarly articles on this subject)

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Let’s throw in a few more stereotypes just for fun, eh Milo? In the video, the speaker makes the claim that her black single mother did not feel safe in her predominately black neighborhood.

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The strategy here is to undo the connection between poverty and crime and point you in the direction of race. It is highly based in stereotyping and implies no violence or theft occurs at a trailer park because even poor white people know how to “not act like savages”, right Milo? It couldn’t have anything to do with their white privilege could it?

“After World War II, a fundamental shift in the demographics of the traditional mobile home resident occurred. Instead of housing mostly transitory workers and retired people, mobile homes became a means for younger, less educated, less affluent individuals, who may have been excluded from the conventional housing market, to obtain housing (French and Hadden, 1968; Marsh, Thomson, and Collins, 1982; Wallis, 1989). (….)

Mobile homes still represent a viable and popular form of housing today. According to the 2000 Census, 8.8 million mobile homes have been installed in the United States (U.S. Census Bureau, 2000). They represent 8.4 percent of the owner-occupied housing units and 4.3 percent of the renter-occupied housing units in the United States (U.S. Census Bureau, 2000). To clarify the perspective of these figures, mobile homes comprise the second largest percentage of all housing units in the United States after single-family detached units (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003).” (source here)

Why does this matter? Because home ownership has a statistically significant effect on crime rates. (source here) And Black Americans have historically been affected by discrimination in the banking and mortgage industry. I grew up in an America where people would respond to the presence of new minority neighbors with “great, now our market values are going to go down”. Racial steering is still a method employed despite being made illegal by the Fair Housing Act of 1968.

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Nothing at all wrong with not feeling oppressed, but it should not be used by the likes of a shmuck like Milo Y as a means to negate the voices of the millions of people who have been, currently are or to ignore and discount the obvious historical relationship that brings black people to America in the first place.

Next the video highlights why her personal experience proves that we should all get over the idea that Black Americans need to demand equal hiring and educational opportunities and encourages the viewer to believe that this demand for equality is harmful to white Americans.

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“Black and Hispanic students are still vastly underrepresented at these colleges overall, and they fare even worse in states with bans on affirmative action. Black students are underrepresented by at least 20 percent at 79 percent of the country’s research universities; only two research universities in states with affirmative action bans have at least the same proportion of black students as the state’s college-age population, and one of those, Florida A&M University, is a historically black college or university (HBCU).” (source here)


And next we will see a gross distortion of the term “privilege”. In the video she makes the claim that wealth is the true measure of privilege. She makes the claim that if someone is able to get a job and a mortgage they are not privileged, but the fact that she can have a baby and go on welfare points to her being the truly privileged. If that doesn’t confuse you and point to the rhetorical writing on the wall, I don’t know what to tell you. The conservative agenda has long included the vilifying of the poor.

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AGAIN ~ privilege does not mean that an individual cannot find success, it is the proportion of that success in relation to the general population due to systemic biases in education, finance and employment which have roots in racial disparity that is less than a hundred years from any attempt to correct. Our system is based on a false meritocracy and encourages class and racial distortions of ability due to lack of equitable distribution and access to resources.

“Two studies and 2012 BLS statistics reveal that when job qualifications, education and incarceration are accounted for, racial job discrimination appears to remain.

For a 2004 study, University of Chicago economist Marianne Bertrand and Harvard University economist Sendhil Mullainathan sent fictitious resumes in response to help-wanted ads appearing in Boston and Chicago newspapers. Resumes were randomly assigned white-sounding names, such as Emily and Greg, or black-sounding names, such as Lakisha and Jamal. White names received 50 percent more calls for interviews than black names, although both types of resumes presented similarly qualified candidates. Even when black resumes were doctored with better credentials than white resumes, the fictional white applicants still received more employer responses. The researchers discovered that this racial gap was uniform across occupation, industry and employer size.

A 2003 employment audit by Princeton University sociologist Devah Pager revealed that white entry-level-job candidates who had been incarcerated were more likely to receive calls in response to their applications than black candidates with prison records.

“The ascendant American narrative proclaims that we have transcended the racial divide,” Hamilton said, adding that blacks “are asked to ‘stop playing the race card,’ ‘get over it,’ and ‘take personal responsibility’ for the persistence of racial inequality.”

“It is a rhetoric that absolves public responsibility for the condition of black America. While the realities of structural racial inequality persist, [blacks’] agency to resist their economic condition will diminish and their willingness to accept the status quo will enhance.” (source here)

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The speaker implies that white men are denied welfare but black women aren’t. Let’s check the facts, shall we? “Able-Bodied Adults Without Dependents (ABAWDs) Most SNAP participants who can work, do work. SNAP rules require all recipients meet work requirements unless they are exempt because of age or disability or another specific reason.” (source here) You do not get housing, cash or a great life handed to you because you have babies and ask the government for it. Nice story though, we heard this one quite a bit in the 90s too. I guess they’re revamping the distribution of this rhetoric for the millenials. If you are on welfare and become pregnant, your child will not qualify you for an increase in benefits. Everyone is required to meet participation requirements which includes weekly hours of verifiable and documented job training, searches, applications and interviews that are equivalent to full-time hours of employment.

Housing subsidies are not funded or administrated through the same department as cash and food stamp programs and most major cities have a 5-6 year wait list for housing voucher and other subsidized housing programs. This is coupled with a severe shortage in affordable housing in areas where jobs are actually available, hence the homeless epidemic and one of the highest rates of child poverty in the “civilized” world. It is impossible to thrive on the support given by welfare programs but it is an important safety net for people experiencing disabilities, the elderly and those looking for assistance with job training because our public education system is severely lacking in that area. Do I really have to point out that it is a necessary component in a capitalist society unless we’re all just going to be cool with killing off those who are unable to continue to feed the machine by neglecting to provide an alternative source of access to basic necessities like food, water and shelter (which is also part of this free-market game) for those who are unable to earn a living wage?

She continues to vilify the term “white privilege” by attacking the people who would point out it’s continued presence in our societal structures.

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Read: If you think this system is unfair, the problem is with you, not the system. But there is more to the story here, science has also started linking the effects of trauma to genetic changes and this points to a more sinister agenda in my book. If you have even a small understanding of what kind of havoc cortisol alone can cause on normal human development, it should behoove us all to examine the effects our social values and economic decisions are creating long term.

“The researchers studied the number and kind of microRNAs expressed by adult mice exposed to traumatic conditions in early life and compared them with non-traumatized mice. They discovered that traumatic stress alters the amount of several microRNAs in the blood, brain and sperm — while some microRNAs were produced in excess, others were lower than in the corresponding tissues or cells of control animals. These alterations resulted in misregulation of cellular processes normally controlled by these microRNAs.

After traumatic experiences, the mice behaved markedly differently: they partly lost their natural aversion to open spaces and bright light and had depressive-like behaviours. These behavioural symptoms were also transferred to the next generation via sperm, even though the offspring were not exposed to any traumatic stress themselves.” (source here)

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Yep, that’s right black people, if you are angry at the years of slavery and continued oppression your ancestral lineage has afforded you in America, it’s cause of the media. Now you know. This is actually called blaming the victim, it’s used in rape cases too, just to make that connection crystal clear. For the record, I agree that it is time to put the victim card away and embrace your natural and endowed right of sovereignty, I do not agree with ignoring, dismissing or vilifying the desire for anyone to examine and discuss the reality of inhumanity and torture that may need to be acknowledged in order for full and compete healing.

In the next few frames, we get bombarded with messages meant to alienate white people who would seek to align with people of color for racial and economic equality which we will be much more equipped to address if we work together.

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The enormous amount of economic inequality in our society needs to be addressed. We are going to have a much easier time doing that if we are working together so propaganda aimed at affecting our dialogue surrounding race and class is fucked up.  And in the next few frames we find out who this woman believes are the real oppressed people in our society: white men. How many hours of distraction and confusion will this little nugget of nonsense impart?

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I have to interrupt here and point out that not all politicians are Jewish, they are sitting at about 6%. They also “generally” vote Democratic and considering that Milo and his gang are conservative, you can see where they may have an ulterior motive in disparaging Jewish political engagement. Financially, however, there is clearly a larger issue to address and at play. This is that distorted kernel of truth that makes propaganda so dangerous.

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READ: If you don’t agree that white men are the true victims in our society (at the hands of Jewish people) it is because you are ignorant.

And in the next few frames we’ll take a look at the propaganda aimed at normalizing racist rhetoric which anyone who has already come across Breitbart, Bannon and Milo are well aware of. I find it interesting and relevant that she points to “if you don’t want your kid to play with a particular group, that’s ok” in light of the criticism Bannon has received due to his ex-wife making the claim that he did not allow his children to play with Jewish kids. This, above all else, points us to the fact that this little video which seems so much like just one Texan gal’s opinion, is actually a product of propaganda and a highly sophisticated one at that. It’s not main stream media so it can be consumed without the facts needing to be checked. But it’s influence has repercussions, so facts must be checked, my friends.

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Not great. I would actually prefer to live in a community where the Black Americans I come across don’t have to wonder if I secretly hate them or lack the will power to think beyond the stereotypes. I’d like people to grow up to the fact that racism was taught to you and the continued use of this vile rhetoric is counter productive to anything that is actually beneficial to society or humanity at large.  Love your neighbor as yourself should not be discounted just because a segment of our population would rather destroy that which causes them discomfort.

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Some more emotional cues for you: if you want to have a nice life in America, and be served, have access to nice things, you have to be like me and be ok with a few racist elements in our leadership and social systems.

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Quite a bit different when you slow down the video enough to actually hear and process the messages it contains.  Racism isn’t about someone not liking you. Racism is a deep hatred and bias based on absolutely nothing except decades of cultural engineering to that end.

And if I may add one little piece of “conspiracy theory” (deductions based on knowledge of human behavior, drive, motivation and psychology when actual evidence and proof is not made available or transparent) cause I just can’t resist. What do “anti-semitism”, “anti-mulsim”, “pro white male” and “pro black stereotyping” all have in common… besides Steve Bannon? Our economy (the collapse of the petro dollar, banking industry, questions about gold backed currency and Depression level unemployment rates). There is a whole lot of jockeying for position as they use us to bring down their enemies which I promise you they are only doing to put themselves in that place instead. So choose wisely and consider all of the facts and evidence, not the thing that makes you feel good momentarily. That’s MY advice. Here’s Malcolm’s.

malcom x







What’s in a Name?

What’s in a name?

I’ve had a weird life. I’ve tried to explain some of it but the totality of this journey (I am only half way through) is beyond even my own comprehension most of the time. It’s like I’ve been on some sort of enlightenment Indy 500. This is partly due to my ability to remain as stubborn as they come in the face of my greatest fears (which have often found themselves settled just a little too comfortably at my feet and if there is anything that limits spiritual growth, it is fear).

It’s hard to talk about spirituality, religion, beliefs because it is such a personal journey, but it is also very advantageous and healing to receive reflections on this inner world we all possess (until we don’t). There is so much of the subconscious involved that it becomes nearly impossible, especially in this fast-moving turn of the wheel, to say or hear “hey, I have the golden ticket, the master key, THIS is the way to wake up, or know God or know thyself or live”, etc, etc. Unfortunately, we live in a time where people are still adamantly attempting to enforce spiritual legalism on others. An impossible and fruitless task in my humble opinion. Much like physical and cognitive development, spiritual or consciousness development is personally timed, arising in the individual first (much like a buried seed eventually grows, this is unique to each subconscious in terms of arrival and dependent on how much it is watered and offered light and sustenance).

The best we can hope to do is offer a nod and a slap on the back and say yep, I’m growing my consciousness too.

Many of us are exploring the invisible domains of witness with some sort of energetic assistance that does not fit any of the models of scientific possibility (they have discovered yet) except for maybe quantum entanglement. To find the others in our soul collective who have experienced similar methods of training or growth as our own, is deeply moving and those connections fill us with hope and assurance, the stamina to keep searching for truth. It is with that in mind, that I offer this take on things. Keep in mind, however, that the further along you get, the less you will need that assurance, feedback, validation. An awareness to the more subtle synchronicities, the microcosmic examination of one strand of this web, yields a macrocosm of dynamic connections which, upon further examination, reveals much about the entirety of this Universe we call home. So, here I am, offering my strand for all to decipher because I do believe there is much to be gained from observations of this nature. And this is the time to do it.

I was raised with an astounding array of spiritually mixed metaphor. Thankfully. I am Christian, but the dogma was replaced with a whole lot of mysticism and a sharp realization that in order to understand it fully, I must also understand Jewish and Muslim faith. I am Shamanic, but wary of the cultural cues I am missing because my blood quantum is not enough to grant me access. I was pagan but without the rituals or illusion of self-endowed power. I was atheist in my quest for proof and alignment with scientific principles but without the fear of the hypothesis starting out with a big fat yes, a God/Creator exists. And finally, in the last several years, I’ve grown my Buddhist wings and learned how to float on the winds of the breath of serenity. I have also respectfully observed the guidance of Mother Africa, as she has called us all just as loudly as she can to awaken from our slumber as the next Great Year comes rolling through like a freight train one minute, a gentle caress the next. It is a beautiful time to be alive.

I have always believed there was something truly remarkable, some change beyond all changes that would occur during my lifetime. I did my very best to hurry through my lessons so I would understand the magnitude and awesome display of the inner workings of the Universe as they unfold, unveiled in all their spectacular glory. This being a time of transition, I didn’t want to miss a thing. It is clear to me that I am not the only one feeling this, witnessing and experiencing this, but I also see a whole lot of distractions and I can’t help but see that these distractions have the sole purpose of disrupting the very unique opportunity that is presenting itself. I have been blessed with a mind open enough to recognize that even beings not indigenous to this planet have come to witness this awesome display. Each culture is given a piece of the puzzle, but the full picture does not become apparent until we sit in contemplation of each other’s secrets with eyes and hearts wide open.

You see, during this time we all get to compare notes, correct errors in interpretations and gain knowledge that will serve our future generations. My eyes have been able to adjust to the truth that many cultures have pointed to by way of (what looks on the surface to be) prophecy, a head’s up to their future generations about this time (which happens about every 24,000 years by some accounts). It is clear that some would seek to muddy the waters (with enforced boundaries, divisionary labels, presumptions based on assumptions and energetic manipulations) so that we cannot forge these relationships, gain this larger understanding and with it, a boundless freedom and protection from the twisted tongues of our forefather’s version of self-promoting history. Let us be very clear that this is not business as usual and the same old song and dance tactics are no longer relevant or effective. We are awake.

Let me give you an example of what this looks like from my personal vantage point and with regard to something that generally sticks in my craw, the maladaptive interpretations of the Bible that promote fear and division. Take my name for instance, it has been a beacon to me in troubled times, a well spring of hope and guidance largely because it has connections to my faith of origin. I didn’t choose it, but damn does it fit. Did it shape me or did the travails of my life bring it into more significant meaning? Unawake, it is just a name attached to a social security number and citizenship, something people call out to get my attention. Awake, it holds a key which may be fundamental to the fuller understanding of my role and mission here on planet earth in this particular time and place. Seen in this light it becomes more than an avatar, it becomes an expression of the Universe I just happen to get front row seats to. And the world is full of these occurrences and peculiarities if we only find a way to make the subconscious connections available for conscious interpretation, whereby they can then be translated to aid in the greater understanding of human consciousness.

My first name is Melissa, translated loosely it means honey or honey bee. Middle name, Ann, translated loosely to merciful or with grace. Last name given to me by my mother, Schneller, translated loosely to faster. Last name given to me by my father, LaFontaine, translated loosely to one who lives near a well or spring.

The meaning of my name from the predominate cultural narrative I was born into has value to me which I can barely speak of anymore because tensions around any religious text or belief have become unbearable. Let me point out, for those who do not know, the metaphorical backstory that goes with this seemingly unplanned detail so you can see how it has provided me with meaning and direction when the material world got the best of me. Too many believe that in order to achieve peace and unity we must put down our unique positioning and subject ourselves to the complete rejection of our heritage and identity. This is somewhat misleading and could be more harmful than beneficial. Generally speaking, it is an unnecessary perspective and drawn from a confusion about the true nature of the ego illusion. The illusory ego contains that which is limiting and placed upon us without examination. It represents an overidentification with a very narrowly defined aspect of reality. Identity, (and the fruit of identity which is personality) allows us a reference point with which to filter information and interact with the world and should not be considered the same as ego. It is fairly impossible to experience the world without some semblance of an identity at this stage of the game.

Anyways, let’s unpack this a little more so you can see what I mean. On many occasions when asked my name, I would reply “Melissa, which means honey in Greek, as in the land of milk and”. I’ve always believed that the promises of freedom and paradise mentioned were absolutely available for me if I was able to follow the guidance and teachings contained within. The text is from Exodus 33:3 specifically (and relevantly if you understand the numerology of the Bible) but 33:1-4 gives us a little more context. Bear with me.

1And the LORD said unto Moses, Depart, [and] go up hence, thou and the people which thou hast brought up out of the land of Egypt, unto the land which I sware unto Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, saying, Unto thy seed will I give it 2 And I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out the Canaanite, the Amorite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite 3 Unto a land flowing with milk and honey: for I will not go up in the midst of thee; for thou [art] a stiffnecked people: lest I consume thee in the way. 4 And when the people heard these evil tidings, they mourned: and no man did put on him his ornaments.

Now, on first pass it may not appear to be much of a personal connection to me at all and without the added benefit of my study of other culture’s spiritual record and advisement, I may not have given it a second thought. It would seem that the text is referring to groups of people far removed from my here and now, as if I am observing the historical testimony of an interaction between a Being called LORD advising his subjects. I’m sure you, like me, have heard the line of reasoning that there is a certain promised land that a certain group of people get to have, all others be damned. But is that an accurate interpretation?

What if we look at it like this? Can I liken myself to the honey in this land flowing with milk and honey, the personification of one who has drunk from the fountain, maybe even the bringer of the well-spring flowing with the water of life, the physical embodiment of the grace of God, a model of one who took the short-cut and got there faster (thank you Jesus) – Can I make that claim for myself, all others be damned? Can I call myself the Chosen One because of these insights? The words fit. It could be interpreted as such. Right? But alas, I cannot and would not. Do you understand why? Because I think it is high time we all get this lesson, high time indeed as certain entities mount their excuses regarding their incessant need for war on the backs of a self-righteous indignation and pseudo-holy outcry.

What if we take this even further? Broaden our perspective and the amount of information available to compare and contrast in order to elucidate the meaning of this text to something relevant to all, instead of a chosen group or a chosen one?

1And the LORD said unto Moses, Depart, [and] go up hence, thou and the people which thou hast brought up out of the land of Egypt, unto the land which I sware unto Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, saying, Unto thy seed will I give it: (The pure and unadulterated aspect of the Divine personality says depart from the slavery and chains of ego and sensory desires and experience the promised results found by way of the freedom of Spirit inherited by our common ancestry, found within, called the seed of consciousness)

2 And I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out the Canaanite (third eye chakra imbalance), the Amorite (heart chakra imbalance), and the Hittite (solar chakra imbalance), and the Perizzite (crown chakra imbalance), the Hivite (root chakra imbalance), and the Jebusite (sacral chakra imbalance): (recognizing these groups of people as metaphors for spirits or emotions that work against finding balance in the midst of an ego vs spirit lesson, each representing certain aspects of ego issues (see table below, not my own creation, easily found through a google search) If we can examine them as representations of chakra points, we can see what order would be of most benefit to focus on that would allow us to rise up out of the chains of slavery to ego desires. This perspective allows us to move away from the false teachings that suggest God is a big fat smiter out to get everyone who doesn’t submit to HIM instead of a guide to our Divine nature).

Spirit name Meaning of name Abbreviated explanation of effects
Hittites Sons of terror Subliminal torments, phobias, terror, depression, deceit
Amorites Mountain people; renowned Obsession with earthly fame and glory, domineering
Canaanites Lowlands people Addictions, perversions, exaggerated people-pleasing
Perizzites Belonging to a village Limited vision, laziness, low self-esteem
Hivites Villagers Vision limited to enjoying an earthly inheritance, hedonism
Jebusites Threshers Suppression of spiritual authority in fellow believers, legalism


3 Unto a land flowing with milk and honey: for I will not go up in the midst of thee; for thou [art] a stiffnecked people: lest I consume thee in the way. (stiffnecked: stubborn or resisting the dissolution of false ego, therefore the presence of such a Spirit would have destroyed their ego instead of them doing the work to understand, cleanse and subdue it themselves.)

4 And when the people heard these evil tidings, they mourned: and no man did put on him his ornaments. (did not embellish themselves to look spiritually mature when they were not)

My point here is that this religious text has been interpreted in such a way as to benefit a select few, and guess who decided who those select few are? The ones benefiting of course. It has also been used as a defense for actions which harm others. There are other religious texts which have been used in the same manner. If we are going to choose to take these words literally, as an historical text talking about specific people who are no longer living, why would we then apply those directives to modern day groups of people and subject the whole world to a war based on them?

What my strange life has taught me, is that if these words are placed in context and alignment with all other spiritual revelations and traditions, the meaning is not only profound and robust but relevant to true spiritual growth that all spiritual seekers could benefit from. So, it would seem to me that the problems we are facing are a result of massive effort to distort and box the language quite purposefully in order to manipulate the true message contained within. How fucking evil do you have to be to do that? Let me be clear, you monstrosities disguised as humans, no amount of misleading interpretations or self-righteous proclamations of personal or tribal glory based on these words, is going to buy you absolution from the manipulation that you have thrust upon mankind due to your selfishness and greed. Truth will always be revealed in the end. Always.

Light, Love and Truth are one and the same and the recognition of this leads one to profound joy. The more of us that speak to this, find the cross-referenced analyses that benefit all instead of a select few, the easier and less burdensome the false ego’s cumbersome and limiting interpretations of reality will be. For EVERYONE. Witness, observe, light up the Truth. Namaste. May the peace that surpasses all understanding be upon you always.

Dear Mama

For three and a half years I’ve lived with the reality that I broke my son’s heart, my oldest son, my first born. Three and a half years through the valley of the shadow of death I have trudged, one foot in front of the other. Trying to bear the unbelievable hopelessness and vulnerability I felt seeing my whole world, the only hope I had allowed into my heart in this dark and twisted world and the reason for every breath I took, handcuffed and locked in a cage because I failed at being a mother. So broken from my attempts to destroy myself over this failure, I could not find the courage to ask him for forgiveness.

Three long years of raging against myself, against God, against this fucked up system, against the Universe itself and finally spent, I had nowhere to turn but into the surrendering of all beliefs and desires I had once held so tightly to. This raging turned into acceptance of the truth about karma, the reality that my choices, beliefs and words created. Healing, repaying, seeing, and learning to love again from a heart I thought could never be repaired, I realized it was never my heart to begin with. So I decided to forgive myself a couple months ago, for losing the will to live and in doing so, losing his trust. Yesterday, I realized I was finally strong enough or weak enough to bear to ask for it again. Today he has given me a seed of forgiveness.

We were repeating a cycle, a story way too similar to the one between my father and I. Healing from the wounds we encounter and create along this journey of life, stops the cyclic nature of karma.  It allows us to discontinue the pattern of suffering attached to it. Healing breaks the laws of physics, the binding quality of life and death, and opens you to a place where peace is experienced beyond the mind’s comprehension. My world was so small, it was easily broken, but once it was and I accepted this Truth, a new world sprang up before me. I was already dead but Life would not leave me to it. What I thought was the failure to be “me” successfully, was the path to redemption and freedom from the separation I had tried to create. Now each step I take is in awareness of the presence of grace and potential from a Source beyond this vessel. Every moment is now and renewed.

May this seed be watered and given the light of love so that what has been planted in my heart, may grow into an abundance of the evidence inherent in its presence. May our lessons be alive and grow unto themselves, a fruitful testimony that heals those who need it, just like my son used Tupac’s testimony to offer me this olive branch of healing. We are each other’s reminder and proof of Grace. As the great poet, Rumi, says, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.”


“I AM”

Walking through insanity

I found a window

It opened out onto a field

The field was full of



Walking through dreams

I found a portal

It opened out onto a home

The home was full of



Walking through life

I found a hope

It opened out onto a river

The river was full of



Walking through love

I found a knowing

It opened out onto my soul

My soul was full of



Walking through joy

I found a freedom

It opened out onto the All

The All was full of



Walking through peace

I found sanity

It opened out onto the free

This freedom is full



I AM with or without me

Life as it BE

With or without our will to see

The Dreamer dreams us FREE


Really? Meek Mill, Really?


That Meek Mill thing and people’s reactions to it…wow. The complete lack of humanity people still defend and think is totally normal IS NOT NORMAL, and still brings me to tears if I am honest. The fact that people can be so ignorant to the root causes of the deferential treatment given to some members of our society, celebrities for example, and instead join the bandwagon which perpetuates and supports this ignorant rhetoric without regard, is straight up dangerous.

In case you missed it, the rapper made a homeless man do push-ups to “earn” a twenty-dollar bill. This ex-criminal turned millionaire wasn’t going to give any of his own “hard-earned” money away for free. My initial reaction wasn’t outrage but despair. Another homeless man was treated like shit by someone in a better position, that goes with the territory, but the fact that so many people support Meek Mill’s actions and think it’s totally cool to kick someone when they’re down, is part of the frightening agenda you need to remain aware of.

Here’s a link to the video if it hasn’t been removed

And here’s an example of the mindset that inspired this blog today but know this theme was repeated everywhere the situation was discussed. “You can’t have anything for free and he chose to be homeless”.



How is it possible for millennials who grew up in the Information Age to remain this susceptible to propaganda? As soon as someone has money, their character and motives no longer need to be questioned? He just happened across a homeless man, it just happened to be filmed and posted, you don’t think there was any likelihood that it has to do with the obvious social media frenzy it would cause? Or could possibly have anything to do with promoting the agenda of the “mastahs” you keep calling us crazy for trying to undo?

Come on, kids. Do we really need another generation of self-entitled and delusional American Dream believers who treat others like shit because of propaganda like this aimed at keeping you distracted from the truth of the banking industry, the true state of our nation’s economic crisis, and the current agenda being promoted? You’d rather partake in a complete disregard of decades of research showing the results of multi-generational poverty and stress in favor of “success is totally possible if you just try hard enough and believe in yourself” die-hard zombie style? Really? And still?

Here’s a list of the things you ignored before you regurgitated the thought they formed for you and stated as your opinion, increasing the already obnoxious volume of hate spewing in our world.

  • Before you applaud him, consider the fact that If he really wanted the man to earn something, rather than simply degrade him, he could have offered him an actual job
  • Not being able to find work or an affordable place to live is not the same thing as being strong enough to do a push-up
  • Capitalism requires both a cheap labor pool and exploitation of class distinctions to be successful
  • You don’t get to be in Meek’s position unless someone buys you (I won’t out you, Mr. Meek but an 18-year-old black man gets probation for assaulting an officer while holding an illegal firearm and becomes a millionaire rapper just a few years later? Seems to fit the “conspiracy” a little too nicely, don’t you think?)
  • Stock investments in private prison corporations have been rising and both homeless and minority youth are easy targets (have you listened to his lyrics and what they are promoting? Looks like they get a two for one deal with Meek’s latest performance)
  • This is an example of a colonized mind and Meek almost deserves more sympathy than the homeless man
  • You assumed the homeless man would commit a crime if not offered the chance to do push-ups to receive his twenty bucks while ignoring the fact that the money was coming from an actual criminal without ever questioning why he has a platform but his victim does not


Shall we unpack this a little further for those who have not had their attention spans zapped and I’ve already lost because this wasn’t presented in a “10 words or less” meme? A couple hours of research could show you the moral argument against homeless people has been debunked repeatedly by actual statistics. It isn’t a choice to be unemployed and homeless if there are no economic opportunities or affordable housing available (which is an obvious truth once you get out of your own privileged-centric mind). Those who are not disabled are more likely to be working than not (the figures show the unemployment rate among homeless may only be 15% higher than the general population). Even given the inaccuracies of “point in time” counts (if you don’t know what that is then you definitely should not be commenting on what is good for homeless people), a rough estimate of given figures points to the fact that more than 40% of homeless people have jobs but are unable to afford the current rental market standards. If you understood how many working Americans are doubled up, couch surfing or otherwise hidden from homeless counts, that figure will rise dramatically and you’d realize how hateful you sound and must I add that many more may be willing and able to earn their money but lack the opportunity because they don’t have an address and are excluded based on the bias your dumb asses are promoting?

If you add in the figures which suggest about 50% of our citizens living unsheltered are also disabled, (though this number would be higher if we factored in the generally poor health and PTSD like symptoms that goes with the territory) it appears your moral argument stating that “people choose this lifestyle so they deserve what they get” should only be directed at 10-20% of our unhoused citizens. Yet this is the primary excuse used to continue ignoring the problem and subjecting the other 80-90%, (and here I’ll repeat it because I know this still isn’t sinking in: half of which are DISABLED and in need of actual HELP and the other half EMPLOYED but unable to AFFORD housing) to the daily torture of trying to survive and access resources in the face of stigma and dehumanization (which is fueling a rise in hate crimes which include homeless people being lit on fire while sleeping that still aren’t considered hate crimes because this whole rigged system is one giant hate crime and what’s the point in delineating anymore, right?)

And just for sake of clarity let me also include that the majority of people classified as disabled, have to be considered disabled at the time they fill out the HMIS which does not take into account the number of people over 40 who could be considered disabled due to something like autism because it wasn’t screened for en masse 30 years ago and this could play a huge role in one’s ability to navigate the social arena well enough to be employable or able to find and maintain suitable and stable housing.

So, with so many facts and figures available, why are people still confused and in fact applauding this shameful act? If you can stomach the sound of his auto-tuned voice, you’ll see Meek Mill isn’t spreading anything remotely enlightening, original or of such benefit to society at large that he should be granted the rewards of holding the ear and hearts of 11 million followers and fans. I have heard far greater talent (from some of my still homeless comrades, ironically) and so have you. And before you disagree with me, please remember he does not create or produce his own beats, which are hot but not a product of his talent. What else has he done for society that would warrant the pedestal he is placed on from which he is now free to kick others while they are down to cheers from ignorant sheep? He’s a “professional money getta” didn’t you know? And for way too many people, that is still considered something remarkable. Kinda says it all, doesn’t it?

I’m not trying to play investigative journalist here, but there’s something else beyond the surface level cultural vomit to examine in the context of this story. A young black man gets in trouble with the law, (illegal firearm and assaulting an officer), yet he gets out with probation and a record deal which turns him into a millionaire just a few years later? While others remain locked up for far lesser crimes like marijuana? Speaking of marijuana, fast forward a few years after the record deal and he gets caught with 1000 grams of weed, that’s more than two pounds for those of you who don’t want to do the math. In other words a lot more weed than 15 people can smoke, but he only gets a couple of months despite being on probation at the time!? For the rest of us that would be considered intent to distribute and come with a much longer sentence, don’t ya think? The law doesn’t apply equally to everyone? That is a truth that every person who has lived unsheltered knows very, very well.

Yet you don’t question the motives behind this video aimed at the people who are least likely to be found watching CNN and Fox news and willingly throw your opinion of the homeless man in the ring? How does that sleight of hand work? This sleight of hand works because this same man who was released is now beholden to promoting an agenda in exchange for his freedom. The current agenda is setting us up big time because they are about to make a whole lot more people homeless and more impoverished than they already are so they need to throw out a few emotional cues to get us all in agreement.

It is the same old tired rhetoric I cannot believe you are still falling for, along the lines of “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” (except for our kids) and “you need to work for what you get” (so we have an excuse to keep everything but the crumbs). Here’s your clue, he filmed it and then sent it out to his 11 million impressionable fans as the propaganda masters requested. Hey, Mr. Meek, from every person fighting against this system that has done this to your soul, there are some things you just shouldn’t do. Like perpetuating the systemic bias and evil that happened to you.

For the record, it’s not cool to belittle, demean and degrade other humans. Ever. To do it because you are getting paid to…? I guess that’s what they invented the acronym smdh for. So for those of you who can see this agenda for what it is, here is what is really happening and why this immense hypocrisy was brought to your attention. The controllers are pushing for the chance to profit off of imprisoning American citizens. Lots of money to be made if they can keep them 90% full and who are the easiest targets? You guessed it, the disenfranchised. But in order to get you committed to making them wealthy in this evil way, they first have to mind fuck you with their propaganda. Their current aim is to vilify pot-smokers, protestors and apparently homeless folks you still believe are homeless because of their moral character instead of a system designed to keep them that way.

I know you’re caught Meek Mill and I will pray for you and all the people that glorify you while vilifying someone who didn’t sell their soul for a buck.

And for the sake of full disclosure, my initial reaction was this:

…oh, he made a choice to be homeless? or he made some bad choice somewhere in his life so he deserves to be degraded by someone who could have changed his situation entirely but instead dehumanized and disrespected the man, and you’re applauding this, supporting this … Really? You ignorant piece of hell raised from the dead? Really? Born into a society where every single thing you touch or experience comes with a price tag, the value of every life is equated to the wealth it can create for someone else, where education and access to resources is not even remotely fair, where the exact same choices can be made by someone who grows up in a wealthy family with no consequences? you privileged piece of self-righteous shit with no concept of your own unearned and completely fabricated freedom. Shut up until you Grow up. Your acceptance of this type of degradation and humiliation is nothing more than a reflection of something you have internalized …you have accepted your role as servant to an invisible master because it is easier than examining the truth of your complete lack of freedom as chattel to be exploited…so you get to “feel” free without every actually being free, and now you feel better because you witness someone else being punished for what you, yourself, blindly agree to and continue to perpetuate by your belief in social dominance, patriarchy and individualism. I suppose that’s easier, just keeping shooting from that mindless, emotional, ego trip OR….do some fucking research on the truth about our economy, growing up in poverty and the legacy of trauma, the effects of stress on childhood development, colonization and oppression before you open your stupid little mouth to promote a false narrative that would do you in just as quickly as the rest of us. “You can’t have anything for free” even though food literally grows out of the ground FREELY until someone comes along and puts a fucking price tag on it so they can claim it as their own….but ouch, thinking that hard prolly hurts your head, better find someone you can treat like shit really quick so you can disconnect your heart from your mind again and go back to that blissful ignorance you have been trained to call freedom.

12 Laws of Karma and Homelessness