Birth of a Universe
There’s a story that’s been playing background music in my mind. Somewhere and somehow this story relates to a dream I had the other night. In the dream I had strung together some of the most raggedy assed wires or strings you ever did see right on a piece of wood that looked like a 1 x 1, 12 inch long or so block of nothing special. Raggedy ass strings on raggedy ass wood but when I strummed them the most beautiful music was played. Really, there is no way one would imagine any sound at all coming from the thing, let alone actual melodies. I didn’t have to try, didn’t have to play in any particular way, I just moved the strings and a song was heard.
So, here is part of my story I never tell anyone. It is about the time that Jesus took over my body for a while to teach my dad and I some stuff. Took over my body sounds bad. I was still present. I wasn’t possessed. But channeling doesn’t seem to quite explain the whole truth of it. We were both there. My ego and mind had to take a step back so that “He” could speak. So, channeling …but of an energy that is well beyond what a body can normally take. I think I was awake for nearly a week straight, not tired. I’d get “guided” to take a nap and after about fifteen minutes, I was fully rested and I’d take two to three of these a day. I didn’t eat much that I recall because I didn’t feel hunger.
Towards the end of that intense week, my dad and the woman he was married to wanted some time alone. So I took my step-brother, who was ten or eleven at the time, out for a drive. The home they lived in was in the middle of farm country Wisconsin and it was winter. That beast of a vehicle was almost on empty, I’d realize too late. It was night, a Sunday night. We drove. Eventually, the car ran out of gas. I decided cars didn’t need gas to run, started it up, went a little farther. After about the third time, it stopped and didn’t start again. Luckily, or benevolently, where it stopped was at the edge of a driveway. Houses in farm country are often over a mile or more apart. It was cold, cold, well below zero. I prayed and pondered what to do.
I wrapped a blanket around the little guy and we walked up to the house. There were five large dogs doing what watch dogs do which is how I knew there was a house there. I told the child as long as he was under the blanket, they wouldn’t harm him. And they didn’t, though they barked ferociously and nipped at the blanket a couple times. We entered the porch of the house. A couple more dogs in there, one very, very large, but quite aware and so didn’t object or even bark at our presence. We knocked. No answer. We entered the house and called out. No one was home.
There were more dogs in the house. All but one little tiny son of a gun were chill. That little tiny son of a gun bit my finger. I was bending down towards it. Should’ve known just to let it bark but I didn’t and I got a nasty bite. The walls were covered with Christian sayings, crosses, Jesus this and Jesus that. We looked for the phone, attempted to call out and could not get a dial tone. It was getting pretty late. The only option was to wait for the owners to come home.
It was after ten and we had been there for a couple hours. The little guy was scared and wanted to go home. I prayed again. We went out to the porch. I saw keys hanging. I wrote a note, put the keys to my vehicle on top of it, explaining that we had run out of gas, etc, etc and went outside. We jumped into a truck which had keys in the ignition. I had no idea where we were but somehow that little child directed us back to his house.
We were there for what seemed like only 10 minutes when police cars pulled into the driveway. Ten minutes. It didn’t even seem real. In fact, they showed up about two seconds after my dad said it was a felony.
Anyways, normally country people look out for one another. Apparently, the way I had signed the note had pissed the owners off. I guess I might have said something about Jesus being back. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut about spiritual stuff. I might have learned too well.
Any rational, reasonable person wouldn’t expect me to put the kid’s life in danger walking miles in below zero weather without protection. My vehicle and keys were left, and who the hell would maliciously steal something and leave their (better) vehicle AND phone number? A quick flip of the ignition would have proven my story accurate. They got mad that I said Jesus was back. They got pissed and scared and came for blood. So I went to jail that night. Me and Jesus. We went to jail cause we pissed some Christians off. Ironic isn’t it? It’ll make you laugh really hard when you see God’s humor in it. Oh, that motherfucker can tell a good one.
Some of the things that happened while I was in jail are not relevant to the story. There was a young woman in there that needed a hand. We gave her a hand. It was about 6:30 Friday evening. I had told her when she was done crying, we would be let go. It took her until then, past the time any court should have been convening. Nonetheless, we went to court and were released.
The whole thing is bizarre in ways I haven’t been able to describe because I simply stopped talking about it. I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about it. I’m sitting here shaking having said this much. The week leading up to it, and the week after when another tug on my spiritual heart ended with me going to the hospital and being put on civil commitment. When I say I want a sangha, when I say I want to be around people who understand, it is to heal these deeper traumas. I don’t know that it is possible for someone who has not had as intense a spiritual experience to view this accurately. To understand the necessary components that make it a tangible spiritual experience rather than mental health crisis. Or the mental health crises that have occurred as a result of attempting to shut this from my reality.
Anyways, I was listening to a talk about Sri Ramakrishna and it gave me the courage to say this much. Perhaps, it will be the doorway to the rest of my healing. Where I am able to stay grounded without having to invalidate my truth or hide my Light to do so.
Peace and many blessings ❤