Trigger Me This


Ugh. God, I am so sick of triggers. Why can’t I just be ok already? Living that life I kinda see a general outline of though it’s still super hazy. Hahaha, guess I answered my own question there, huh? This is just a journal entry, just a fuck, this hurts, I gotta do something with it, post.

A fellow blogger once posted a question to his community, why do you blog, why did you start blogging, something to that affect. I didn’t know how to put it into words then, as much as I write, some of these deeper stirrings within me are just plain hard to put into words. I think I got it now, I blog so I don’t get written out of my own story. I still feel remarkably invisible most of the time. Which, if you knew what I do in the subtle realms you would find uproariously humorous. So it goes.

I watched a video today which triggered that painful place that has been so resistant to healing. Some days I wonder if, how, when I’ll ever be free of it. Maybe I won’t. But it speaks to a larger trauma in the collective field, such a painfully huge distortion, it may take something equally huge to repair it. A few days back, I was perusing Patreon creators and I ran across a woman who’s page just kinda screamed at you and not in a pleasant way from my perspective, though I probably would have had a different reaction 20 years ago. Knowing what I know now, it just felt like a whole lotta anger.

So it got me thinking, plunging into my depths to the places still vulnerable to animosity I shouldn’t have taken personally. One of the questions I asked my non-physical helpers to assist with clarity on, was what she meant by cultural appropriation. Interestingly, a fellow Shaman had written an article about something similar not too long ago, (link here) and the question must have been afloat in my field since.

The yt AI finally got around to bringing me the rest of the information I needed. I have a much clearer understanding now. In this video which I hope you’ll watch, the woman describes some things that any energy or shamanic healer worth his or her salt knows backwards and forwards. Any yogi, guru, mystic, even any consistent meditator or consciously aware person should have started picking up on this by now… and she kinda implied that she was the first to discover it.

Ah. Yes, Dear One, you discovered something I was locked up for 15 years ago. Your grand discovery is what cost my son and I a normal healthy mother and child relationship. It cost entire cultures their lives, the rubble of their footprints all that remains. And many others in our very near history, brought to the point of extinction. Every indigenous culture that has been genocidally attacked, and every ancient spiritual text that has been rooted out, destroyed or hidden held this information. In fact, one could say, it is within us all.

I get it now.

That twisting, turning, gut wrenching feeling. I get it now. Why the thought of trying to market energy healing, intuitive guidance and so on and so forth makes me want to vomit until I look at my son, stuck in this moldy ass apartment, no money, no transportation, a semi-psychotic guardian for a roommate the only thing keeping us housed and I swallow that vomit and try again to heal and come up with a plan. What to do about this besides bitch and get triggered, bitch and get triggered, retreat for healing, rinse, repeat.

I am happy to see the information spread, understood, accessible to those whose ideologies have been so entrenched in the material reality. But the pain of what I lost following my gut, my spirit and this Higher Self within me, seeing it presented and applauded while I still haven’t quite picked up the pieces of my life, while so many others have even worse trauma to heal from… it just hurts.

I spent the last fifteen years finding the proofs I needed to validate my experience and perception of that situation. It is finally here. And it will help many. In fact, there are many, many things that will be brought to light as we move forward. But for the love of God and all that is good and Righteous, be kind to each other, share resources and experiences readily and slow your roll on the ego because many have entertained angels unaware.

And Angels, like elephants, do not forget.


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