I learned everything I know about healing from (and avoiding) destructive karma from my dad. He was an extraordinarily interesting man. I wish you could have met him.
He wasn’t around a lot when I was little. I guess that’s how I really knew something was fucked up about this place and decided to get to the bottom of it. My dad had eyes that absolutely knew and reflected genuine unconditional love for me but his life was a testament to misery, suffering and destruction. Absent. Tortured soul. And then one day he was free.
When I was little, having a dad that was a drunk created a separation from others, a secret so that I would not face the judgment, the moral outrage and calamity of the dead beat dad reflecting in their eyes aimed at the direction of my innocent little soul that only knew love.
I remember getting truly frightened by certain things about my father. This one time I was reciting a Bible verse that we needed to memorize for religion class. I was pretty damn young, but I couldn’t tell you how young. I believe the verse was something along the lines of this one:
Psalm 146:3-5King James Version (KJV)
“3 Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. 4 His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish. 5 Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God:”
I don’t remember the exact verse anymore but I remember my dad getting really angry and yelling “what kind of bullshit is this!?” when it suggested I put my trust and hope for protection in God.
“I will protect you! Me!” he roared as he flexed what were truly larger than life biceps.
I remember that I immediately said from that quiet, connected place within me, “Don’t be mad at him, God, he just doesn’t know you.” It also triggered a fear in me that kept me praying every day for that man. Prayers that eventually were answered in a much bigger way than any of us could have imagined at the time.
My dad didn’t protect me from much in those days. In fact, more than once we could have used some protection from him. Alcohol can bring out the beast in a man battling demons. As in, sometimes the demons win.
My dad eventually came to an understanding of what God is all about, of how profoundly a belief in something bigger than mankind can change a person. He had a miraculous turn around in his life. How is a story I will save for another day, but the result was that this man who had completely embraced the idea that God was a figment of people’s imaginations, came to the life changing realization that God is a Being unto Himself and simultaneously a personified representation of faith, hope and Love for many.
We had ten years to study together, to come to some deep truths and preparation about this crazy train of spiritual life that everyone and their grandma has an opinion on these days, (like spiritual revelation was just discovered in 2016 or something). I am very grateful for that time. We were able to cover a lot of information, decode some of the metaphorical language in the Bible and understand the complexity of consciousness in a way that has served me and everyone I’ve touched with it, since.
I’ve been able to connect to my dad a few times from his perch in the afterlife. We are still on the same page, he and I. Still awaiting redemption from the lies, greed and destruction of human dominion. We made a few agreements with the Big Guy before his passing and I have seen most of those agreements come to pass. My experience of God is anecdotal and may not ever convince anyone of His existence, but hopefully the effect that having this belief has had on my life, a difficult life at that, is enough for me to be granted some leeway from the scorn a lot of people throw at believers.
Believing in something Higher than the person looking back in the mirror is sometimes more helpful than people want to admit and where it gives hope and encouragement, it should be considered a blessing, not an act of ignorance. When humanity gets to the stage where one person is not sleeping on concrete or being blown to smithereens for the benefit of some other person or group, I’ll consider giving up my belief system. Until then, you have nothing of value to offer me in it’s place. My spirituality and belief system has kept my ego in check in this age of materialism and service to self and I believe I am a hell of a lot more grounded, human and rational because of it.
Let me give you another example. I have felt an undeniable protection from the heavenly realms since my dad took up residence there. Numerous events have occurred that have brought that realm much closer to our shores. I had a vision 10 years ago in an effort to understand why Arch Angel Michael felt so much like my new best friend and protector. In the vision, I saw my dad watching his funeral, he was on the other side of the veil. In response to my heart wrenching devastation, Michael showed up “just to see what all the fuss was about”. And those two became bros. They became beyond bros actually. My dad was smart, you see, smarter than most people gave him credit for. They teamed up, created a new Being between the two of them which is a combination of both, for lack of a better way to explain it, and earned some earth time in the process. Earth time that has changed the game here in ways most people may not comprehend but that has kept me steady through some of the darkest and murky waters.
It is interesting how deeply the people in our lives affect the stories we tell, the beliefs we hold and the perspectives we take. My father was my greatest spiritual teacher because through his life I was able to see both the despicable and the glorious, not an easy feat to attest to in just one man’s journey. His story is my story, just as my story is setting the seeds from which my son will one day be creating from himself. Belief is not a bad thing, especially if you set that filter with an ounce of integrity. When it comes to the realms of consciousness, we are still novices. If we could just accept that much, we may be more inclined to appreciate how diversely we interact with those realms and give each other a little room to explore without judgment or decree.
In this day and age, where technology and science and inequality are so prevalent, communication of the personal spiritual experience can be profoundly healing and guiding. We are intimately connected by our collective decisions and beliefs in this, our shared reality. Spirituality and moral or ethical reasoning have become so convoluted and intertwined they have lost their status of importance in far too many people’s lives. Because of this, many have given up their own sovereign right to use critical thinking and creative intention and this loss has not served us well.
It is in our personal musings and separate mind space that we can ponder out opinions and epiphanies that may be of benefit to our collective tangible space, our simultaneously experienced earth walk. What we have not quite worked out is how to discern who is able to do this effectively to the benefit of the greater good and how to get those voices out to the world. Until we are able to do that reliably, we are beholden to these collective agreements, the good, the bad and the ugly of those with the loudest or most compelling voice and not necessarily the brightest or highest good in mind. No one else needs to believe what I do about Michael and my dad in order for it to make me a better, less fearful person that can contribute to the collective good. As a less fearful person, I am able to participate and function in a very destructive and selfish society without losing my mind which would render me just another body to be cared for or left to decay.
We are in the process of forming new agreements. Whether we like it or not, every life we see could be our own or the path our offspring take up. It would be the most wise use of this time if we start trying to bridge some of the gaps in our understanding of fairness. Blanket statements are rarely beneficial. As any philosopher will tell you, there is always an exception to the rule. I’ve heard too many people say religion is bad, we must get rid of it! What about all of the people who were able to find the strength to part with their addictions by way of religion? Or the people who have been taught by their religion to be compassionate to others and then actually do it? Where is the line to be drawn between spirituality, religion and ethics and more importantly, do we need one?
In the age of Artificial Intelligence, these are supremely important discussions to have. We must form some agreements from a wise mind that understands the need to seek an equitable balance of the truth we know and the room to explore the truth we have yet to know.
Your thoughts and opinions are appreciated! Do you have a belief that has steadied you and helped you in life but may not be appealing to others? Please feel free and encouraged to comment below.