Dear Christians -the Making of a Spiritual Maverick

This is a gentle reminder but I’m talking about some heavy stuff.  I’ve been angry with you and it finally dawned on me what exactly I was angry about.  Your fear.  How is it possible that you live your life in fear if you actually know the Kingdom of the Almighty?  Your fear makes you ignorant and powerless, you make bad choices, forget to listen to that spirit within, the Helper, and you create some karma your “religion” has not taught you how to process even though the Bible is about the fullest examination of karma I’ve ever witnessed.

I didn’t fear homelessness before I was homeless because I have always had this really awesome connection to God.  I know the Bible really well and I treat it like a supernatural book because it’s treated me that way.  So when I ended up on the streets and even though the excuses you use for not helping didn’t apply to me, you couldn’t see the Christ within me – you could not recognize the very Being you claim to praise and worship – and not only did not offer to help, you gave me scorn, ridicule and a heaping helping of shame.  Though I went to churches repeatedly for help, my clothes and food for those couple of months came from dumpsters.  The people who offered me comfort in the storm lived on the streets as discarded as your meals.

We battled more than a few demons while making nowhere at all feel as safe as home.  I finally realized you are afraid of those demons that people in their hatred leave all over the vulnerable and broken sleeping on the sidewalks and alleys and under bushes.  Do you not remember that you should not fear demons?  Do you not believe that supernatural book you cling to so tightly?  If a person wants help from you they must first rid themselves of those demons when they are obviously overwhelmed while you stand haughtily at the shores of redemption?  In fact, you blame them for having demons in the first place claiming it is sin rather than a spiritual battle.  I don’t believe you even know what faith or sin is truthfully, your actions call you out, just like Jesus said they would.

…11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand.…(Ephesians 6:11-13)

You’ve made it a moral issue regarding will and temptation rather than the truth which is we do not battle flesh and bone but principalities.  So while the real believers are out there taking on the beast in a war to end all spiritual wars, you are safe and sound in the comfort you gained from mass participation and unity in the defense of self-righteous delusions.

Do not be afraid.  You may have been deceived and redirected but if just your heart and attention can be focused on God, on sincerely seeking Truth, you will be made right in the head again.  It is not the faith in Christ or God, the Creator, that is the cause of your error, but a belief that simply putting on the garment of a believer makes you one.

Let me show you what my garment looks like.  In real life.

I’ve had quite a few brushes with supposed death, right up close and personal, into the veil and right on out through to the other side and back again.  Let me tell you, these things change the chemical make-up of how your brain forever interacts with this reality.  Thank you naturally occurring DMT.

So, why don’t I start this discussion with a quick run-down of the more memorable events.  Birth wasn’t the joy thrill ride I was hoping for, it ended with me being hung by that once life-giving cord.  Less than 3 months later I would spend another week in the hospital with pneumonia and related complications.  My mother (thanks to an asshole doctor’s advice) sincerely did not think I would come back home.  I did.

While still less than 2 years old, still sleeping in a crib, I was nearly smothered by my big sister (she was 10 or 11) who decided to hide me from someone truly horrific staying in the house by placing me underneath a pile of winter coats.  That one I remember too clearly, what it feels like to need a breath so badly you take one big gulp on the “other side”.

Probably one of the penultimate and worst cases was the time I was 5 and walking around my grandma’s neighborhood playing “journalist”.  I was conned by an evil man, it wasn’t until his strong hand was wrapped around my small wrist trying to get me to touch his dick that I realized I was in trouble.  I’ve not told the story many times but as we played tug-o-war with my hand and I tried to pull with all my might to get away, I didn’t scream so much as locked eyes with that motherfucker.  Once I did that, we both felt the Spirit at the same time and he let go.  He found another victim though. A little girl found dead three days later, brutally molested underneath a pew in the church we held our yearly Christmas programs, just half a block from where he tried to get me.

Death came at me other ways.  I’ve stared that devil we call fear in the face more times than you want to hear.  He came for my soul.  He came to figure out how such a little sprite could be so in love with that Big Guy so invisible to everyone else.  He pushed me off a cliff when I was 17 and I fell 45 feet to what should have been my death or at least paralysis.  But there was a giant boat full of off-duty paramedics and firemen taking their yearly river cruise meandering by at precisely that moment and they were able to rescue me without those crushed bones in my vertebra doing any more damage than providing the proverbial thorn of pain I have tried very hard to bear with grace.

I spent more years than I should have at the hands of abusive men trying to fix them in my misunderstanding of my spiritual gifts.  I held onto my core through the endless game of them trying to remake my identity, my self-esteem, my faith, my belief in goodness and understanding of truth.

One of those abusers hated God, hated Christians and did everything he could to get me to give up my faith.  He told me I was crazy for believing God could talk to me.  After my dad was miraculously saved from the streets and 25 years of alcoholism my faith increased 1000 fold.  So my boyfriend upped the ante and started re-framing my faith in the “science” of psychosis.  I caved and went into a shrink.  That shrink gave me medicine I didn’t need and it was here that my real battles with the devil began.

After 3 days on that drug my Spirit took over.  I stopped taking them but some damage had been done.  I had my pivotal spiritual moment and the story of that one is too long for this space.  The result however, was that I was locked in a psych ward for 9 days and not released until I agreed that I did not have the power to heal people.  2 weeks before this I had laid hands on and prayed over my mom’s neck so she wouldn’t have to go back in for surgery.  We both felt the Spirit move and indeed she was restored and did not need surgery.  There is no such thing as freedom of religion in a psych ward.   I lied that day to earn my release.

The veil had been lifted and now I could see not only all of that beauty on the other side, but the unseen forces and fear based entities that roam outside our normal conscious awareness.  That’s when I called Jesus and begged Him to come back.  3/3/03 for you numerology junkies.  I walked a mile in Eve’s shoes, understanding for the first time what it truly means to be outside of the Garden.   For the next 12 years I watched and waited as the Consciousness of Christ began to grow and take up every available nook and cranny on this planet.  He is most definitely returned.  I sounded that trumpet myself.  He is my best friend and I see Him everywhere.

A few years back I heard that small, quiet voice of God whisper in my mind, “will you do one more thing for me?”  After 10 years of playing secretary, my ears heard “promotion!”.  He’s funny, that Guy.  But I said yes, of course.  He is literally too awesome to say no to just for that chance to see Him, just for that little bit of 2 seconds of proof which can fill enough faith to last a lifetime.  He said, “be the face.”  Okey dokey, I said, not having any idea -whatsoever- what that meant.

Having spent the last 4 years showing up in situation after situation in perfect synchronicity with someone’s prayers, someone who needed proof that God is alive and real and that His strengthening comes from within.  I didn’t pull many punches, I tried to always make it clear, hey, God told me to come here today.  He loves you.  Answered prayers matter.  Faith matters.  It revives a soul quicker than kerosene lights a fire and it is carried in the winds of HOPE that the believer relies on to the waiting spirit of the receiver seeking refreshment.

While I was homeless, once accidentally and once on purpose, I fed my fellow outcasts from the little I had.  I fed them my stories, my passion, my encouragement, the truth of the Grace I had been given and I shared my grub too.  Their demons fled in my presence because I do not separate myself from Christ’s Consciousness and those souls living in broken bodies and lives full of broken dreams and empty promises were able to take a drink from that well.

Do me a favor while you reconnect to the Truth?  I want you to understand that a lot of that new age philosophy, the lightworkers, the starseeds, the indigos, they are truly here to help remind you God’s promises that have been paid lip service are actually and literally true.  We are the body.  We are the BODY.  They come with Holy Spirit “programming”.  They come recognizing the difference between the veil that is simply an illusion of deceit which God is trying so desperately to dissolve for you.  Most importantly, they do not fear those negative energies and demons.   Support them in their work.

Do some studying on Buddhism without getting caught up in the misinformation that Buddha is a God that you must worship.  It is a way of life, it is not a testament of who to worship.  It is more accurately a description of how indigenous and traditional people have walked in harmony on this land He has given us for millenia.  There are parallels and life-sustaining resources that will help to guide us without the rhetoric of a corrupted landscape.  Make room in your hearts for the full understanding and contemplation of God.  I promise you it is worth it.  I promise you there is nothing to fear.  Take that closer walk with Jesus and accept the people who are already walking with Him in all His multi-universalistic ways.

Worth IT (look for HIM everywhere and you will find HIM everywhere)




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